Since becoming part of the StarKid fandom I have become a bit involved in the Harry Potter fandom. There's no way you can't do so if you're on tumblr. I didn't truly grow up with Harry Potter. I read the books once when they came out but didn't go to see the movies for many reasons. So I knew the story and I heard about the films but I never watched them. I still haven't seen the sixth film. A lot of people grew up with Harry Potter. Harry Potter has always been their life. I wish I was like that.
But, even though I didn't grow up with Harry Potter in the way most people did I still grew up with Harry Potter, everyone my age did. Most people read the books growing up. Most people watched the movies. A lot of people loved them so much and they shaped their lives. A lot of people also read the books, watched the movies and that was it. A few people never read Harry Potter, never saw the movies, didn't care about them.
No matter which category you fall into Harry Potter still changed your life in some way. It couldn't not. Each time a new book or a new film was released the whole world knew about it. If you left the house or watched TV or were on the internet at any point, you'd know there was a new Harry Potter event coming up. You heard about it, you most likely knew people who loved the series and were extremely excited about it. So it affected your life. It just did. If you were born in the 90s you knew about Harry Potter and it affected your life in some way.
Harry Potter is a book series that changed the world. Just by existing and having fans. It's changed so many people's lives and so many people are connected by it. It's a fact of life now.
About Me
Wednesday, 30 November 2011
Thursday, 24 November 2011
Some feelings
I'm happy. I'm extremely happy. Because he feels the same way. Because he's my best friend and it could be perfect. Because I love him, in many ways. Because it started a while a go. Because people say we'd be cute together. Because I finally found out and I was right.
I'm confused. Because I just don't know how I feel. Because I never know how I feel.
Mostly I'm scared. Scared that I'll hurt him. Scared that I'll loose him. Scared of what could happen. Scared I'll ruin everything because I know he would never hurt me. Scared because it's different.
I'm unsure about everything. I have so many questions. But I don't know if I want to know the answers. I don't know what I'm feeling properly. I never do.
If you know me in real life can you just pretend you haven't seen this please? This was just something I had to get out somewhere.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Community
Every year, in the end of year assembly before our summer holidays the head of my school would say the same thing. He would talk for a long time about communities and what they were and how our school was. Every year I would ignore it. But recently, I've been thinking a lot about communities and today I realized that I've been thinking basically the same thing he told us every year, the same thing I ignored every year. If I could remember what he said I'd put it here but I can't, so I'm going to put it in my own words in an attempt to convey my meaning best I can.
I believe that we are all part of communities. We might not notice them, but we are. Anyone you are around daily, anyone you love and anyone you're stuck with are part of one of your communities. Your family, your school, your friends. They're all people you share your life with, they're part of your life whether you like it or not and I have come to believe that everyone who is part of your life is part of one of the communities you are in.
Communities can be close, they can be distant. Your friends are a close community, they're the people you have chosen to share your life with, so they are the most important. School is a community, it can be a distant one, it can be a close one. You might not like school, or half of the people you're at school with but it's still a community. You're sharing your lives together. You're not sharing a lot of your life with most but you;re still sharing something with them. I think that's what makes a group of people a community, shared experience. I consider my household a community, there may only be two of us but we are a unit, a community.
I grew up going to church. I am the only person my age who still goes to the same church I have been going to since I was about three. I consider that to be one of my communities. I have grown up with a lot of the adults there, most of them recognize me and know me but I'm not close to a lot of them. I'm grateful that I have this experience of growing up in a church, with adults who have been around me most of my life but I just wish there were more of them I'm close with. There's nothing I can do about who I grew up with and who I am close with as a result of that but I think it's the fact that I only grew up closely with a handful of them meant that I didn't appreciate it until now.
I'm watching other children grow up in my church and every week I wonder how many of them will still be there when they're my age. Most won't be. This makes me sad in a way, because they won't have the stability I had, they'll never know what it's like to grow up around people you see at church once a week. But they'll find their own communities, they might have big families, or lots of friends around them. Whatever, I think we'll all find communities that will make them who they become.
It all comes down to people. Everything is about the people in our lives. They make us who we are, they influence us the most.
I believe that we are all part of communities. We might not notice them, but we are. Anyone you are around daily, anyone you love and anyone you're stuck with are part of one of your communities. Your family, your school, your friends. They're all people you share your life with, they're part of your life whether you like it or not and I have come to believe that everyone who is part of your life is part of one of the communities you are in.
Communities can be close, they can be distant. Your friends are a close community, they're the people you have chosen to share your life with, so they are the most important. School is a community, it can be a distant one, it can be a close one. You might not like school, or half of the people you're at school with but it's still a community. You're sharing your lives together. You're not sharing a lot of your life with most but you;re still sharing something with them. I think that's what makes a group of people a community, shared experience. I consider my household a community, there may only be two of us but we are a unit, a community.
I grew up going to church. I am the only person my age who still goes to the same church I have been going to since I was about three. I consider that to be one of my communities. I have grown up with a lot of the adults there, most of them recognize me and know me but I'm not close to a lot of them. I'm grateful that I have this experience of growing up in a church, with adults who have been around me most of my life but I just wish there were more of them I'm close with. There's nothing I can do about who I grew up with and who I am close with as a result of that but I think it's the fact that I only grew up closely with a handful of them meant that I didn't appreciate it until now.
I'm watching other children grow up in my church and every week I wonder how many of them will still be there when they're my age. Most won't be. This makes me sad in a way, because they won't have the stability I had, they'll never know what it's like to grow up around people you see at church once a week. But they'll find their own communities, they might have big families, or lots of friends around them. Whatever, I think we'll all find communities that will make them who they become.
It all comes down to people. Everything is about the people in our lives. They make us who we are, they influence us the most.
“My most up-to-date philosophy is this: Love.
People. Love them non-stop, no questions asked. Love people, and
fight for Gratitude and Forgiveness always. The Truth is, sometimes you
have to teach yourself to love and appreciate the greatest things in life...
because you won’t always catch it at first glance”
- Julia Albain
Friday, 4 November 2011
I wanted to get this out...
"Maybe I'm alone in this but I find peace in solitude"
-He Is We
That is basically how I've been feeling lately. I've just been feeling down this week. I've not been right, probably for many reasons. Maybe it's something to do with Autumn arriving or being stressed out with college, I don't really know.
-He Is We
That is basically how I've been feeling lately. I've just been feeling down this week. I've not been right, probably for many reasons. Maybe it's something to do with Autumn arriving or being stressed out with college, I don't really know.
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Another note on internet friends
Today I just feel like I need to say something about the friends I've made over the past few months over the internet. Since I started using tumblr I have made some amazing friends. I started talking to people through tumblr and found some of the most amazing people, people who have quickly become some of my best friends. No, I haven't met any of them in person but they mean as much to be as my real life friends. I can't believe I've only known them a few months, it feels like I've known them forever and I can't imagine life without them now. I never want to know what life without them is.
I'm going to take this opportunity to say a bit about the people who have changed my life without ever meeting me face to face:
Shann:
I don't know what I'd do without this girl, I really don't. She is one of the most beautiful, funniest, loveliest people I know. She's an amazing writer and I can't help but smile when I'm talking to her, we talk almost every day and I wouldn't have it any other way (hey that rhymes)! We're so similar it's unbelievable. If I'm down and she knows about it, she'll help me and, often, just talking to her cheers me up, I guess she's just one of those people. The amount of random, inside jokes we have is stupid. Usually, there are more texts in my phone from her than my "real life" friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. I fear for whoever is near when we finally meet each other. I love her to bits, she's perfect. I hope she never changes.
Tasha:
This girl is another one of the most beautiful, funniest people in the world. She's the only person I can fangirl about my weird obsessions with the StarKids friendships to, because she's the same. We're thilly and weird and crazy together. I've lost count of how many sing a longs we've had in each other's ask boxes, I love it! Her blog is flawless, she literally has the best things on there and her obsession with Lauren Lopez is amazing. When we meet we're going to re create so many things and roll on the floor and just be goof balls together, I can't wait!
Cassie:
My life's goal is to hug this girl. For two reasons: number one, I think she gives really good hugs and number two, she's amazing. She really is. A message from her always brightens up my day and we have really similar goals so that's cool! She's really caring and lovely and just an amazing person. Every now and again, she'll message me telling me something that makes my day or she'll just be silly and make me laugh. I want to meet her so badly and I'm sure it'll happen one day. I'm counting on it!
Those are just my three closest friends right now, I have quite a few more who I promise I'll dedicate some space to at some point but, for now, that's it. These three girls are some of my best friends. They're the ones I can tell anything to, the ones who will instantly cheer me up. I can't wait to meet them and hug them and be freaks with them, it will happen. I promise you.
I feel like I've written this blog, or a variation of this blog many times but this is the first time I'm writing it when I feel like I've actually been through what I'm talking about. The other times I've been speaking about experiences I've seen, people I don't really know. But now I can finally say that I have friends I know from the internet who I couldn't imagine life without. I love them as much as my friends I've known most of my life. They are my forever friends, we found each other through common interests and they have changed my life. For good.
I'm going to take this opportunity to say a bit about the people who have changed my life without ever meeting me face to face:
Shann:
I don't know what I'd do without this girl, I really don't. She is one of the most beautiful, funniest, loveliest people I know. She's an amazing writer and I can't help but smile when I'm talking to her, we talk almost every day and I wouldn't have it any other way (hey that rhymes)! We're so similar it's unbelievable. If I'm down and she knows about it, she'll help me and, often, just talking to her cheers me up, I guess she's just one of those people. The amount of random, inside jokes we have is stupid. Usually, there are more texts in my phone from her than my "real life" friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. I fear for whoever is near when we finally meet each other. I love her to bits, she's perfect. I hope she never changes.
Tasha:
This girl is another one of the most beautiful, funniest people in the world. She's the only person I can fangirl about my weird obsessions with the StarKids friendships to, because she's the same. We're thilly and weird and crazy together. I've lost count of how many sing a longs we've had in each other's ask boxes, I love it! Her blog is flawless, she literally has the best things on there and her obsession with Lauren Lopez is amazing. When we meet we're going to re create so many things and roll on the floor and just be goof balls together, I can't wait!
Cassie:
My life's goal is to hug this girl. For two reasons: number one, I think she gives really good hugs and number two, she's amazing. She really is. A message from her always brightens up my day and we have really similar goals so that's cool! She's really caring and lovely and just an amazing person. Every now and again, she'll message me telling me something that makes my day or she'll just be silly and make me laugh. I want to meet her so badly and I'm sure it'll happen one day. I'm counting on it!
Those are just my three closest friends right now, I have quite a few more who I promise I'll dedicate some space to at some point but, for now, that's it. These three girls are some of my best friends. They're the ones I can tell anything to, the ones who will instantly cheer me up. I can't wait to meet them and hug them and be freaks with them, it will happen. I promise you.
I feel like I've written this blog, or a variation of this blog many times but this is the first time I'm writing it when I feel like I've actually been through what I'm talking about. The other times I've been speaking about experiences I've seen, people I don't really know. But now I can finally say that I have friends I know from the internet who I couldn't imagine life without. I love them as much as my friends I've known most of my life. They are my forever friends, we found each other through common interests and they have changed my life. For good.
Sunday, 2 October 2011
The Stars
This morning I was on my friend's tumblr and saw that she'd wrote this beautiful piece of writing. The funny thing is, a couple of nights ago I was feeling the same.
In case you were to lazy to read it, it's a post about the stars and stuff. On Friday night I went to a youth group. Our usual place to meet has been shut down so we had a BBQ and, luckily, it was exactly the right weather for it. It was warm and clear skied. Instead of spending the night being hyper and really sociable I ended up sitting with a group of friends, eating, talking and lying down looking at the stars. It was amazing. The weather was perfect. It was warm but not to warm once it was dark and the sky was completely cloudless. There was one person there who I'd never really talked to and I spent most of the night either sitting talking to him or lying on the grass, looking up at the stars talking to him. I loved it.
I don't get to see the stars very often. I'm not out after dark a lot of the time and when I am I'm usually inside somewhere or it's to cloudy to see the stars. Whenever I do get a glimpse, though, I find it amazing. The nights sky really is amazing. All those little pricks of light up there, all those burning pieces of mass. What I find most amazing is the fact that those little holes of silver are so far away, so different from how they seem now. Apparently, we see the nights sky as it was in Shakespeare's time. That's mind blowing, isn't it? The sky we see doesn't really look like that now, it's from the past. It's forever changing. How long until people see what the stars are like now? What marker will they use for it?
Looking up at the stars gives you a real sense of how everything is so much bigger than you. The darkness, the little bits of light, they go on forever. We don't know what's out there, we know there's something but we don't know what and I don't think we'll ever know.
I just can't quite wrap my head around it and, like so many other things I can't put my feelings into words right. Just go read Shann's post. It sums up most of what I've been trying to say, as always, other people can put my thoughts into words better than I can.
One last thing I want to say is that, when I read my friend's post this morning I felt like it was just perfect. On Friday I was quietly thinking to myself how amazing the stars and the night's sky was, then the next night one of my closest friends right now was thinking more or less the same thing. Universal connections.
In case you were to lazy to read it, it's a post about the stars and stuff. On Friday night I went to a youth group. Our usual place to meet has been shut down so we had a BBQ and, luckily, it was exactly the right weather for it. It was warm and clear skied. Instead of spending the night being hyper and really sociable I ended up sitting with a group of friends, eating, talking and lying down looking at the stars. It was amazing. The weather was perfect. It was warm but not to warm once it was dark and the sky was completely cloudless. There was one person there who I'd never really talked to and I spent most of the night either sitting talking to him or lying on the grass, looking up at the stars talking to him. I loved it.
I don't get to see the stars very often. I'm not out after dark a lot of the time and when I am I'm usually inside somewhere or it's to cloudy to see the stars. Whenever I do get a glimpse, though, I find it amazing. The nights sky really is amazing. All those little pricks of light up there, all those burning pieces of mass. What I find most amazing is the fact that those little holes of silver are so far away, so different from how they seem now. Apparently, we see the nights sky as it was in Shakespeare's time. That's mind blowing, isn't it? The sky we see doesn't really look like that now, it's from the past. It's forever changing. How long until people see what the stars are like now? What marker will they use for it?
Looking up at the stars gives you a real sense of how everything is so much bigger than you. The darkness, the little bits of light, they go on forever. We don't know what's out there, we know there's something but we don't know what and I don't think we'll ever know.
I just can't quite wrap my head around it and, like so many other things I can't put my feelings into words right. Just go read Shann's post. It sums up most of what I've been trying to say, as always, other people can put my thoughts into words better than I can.
One last thing I want to say is that, when I read my friend's post this morning I felt like it was just perfect. On Friday I was quietly thinking to myself how amazing the stars and the night's sky was, then the next night one of my closest friends right now was thinking more or less the same thing. Universal connections.
Saturday, 1 October 2011
It's October...
So it's suddenly October. I've been pathetic at blogging through September, I just wasn't motivated. I'm still not that motivated, I just need to blog. Maybe I blogged myself out in August, I just haven't been feeling like blogging recently. I tried, I just never had any motivation, nothing to share. My life's been pretty hectic right now, I've had college work and tumblr and that's about it for the past few weeks. I have such a boring life, I know. I just haven't had anything to blog about. As I've said before.
This is just kind of me checking in and making excuses again. Sorry, it's not much but it's a blog! I'll try to blog more and better this month but, for now, this is the best I have...
This is just kind of me checking in and making excuses again. Sorry, it's not much but it's a blog! I'll try to blog more and better this month but, for now, this is the best I have...
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Update and stuff
I started at college. This is the reason for my lack of blogging. College started a week ago and it's been kind of crazy. We have a new building, new subjects etc. and there is a whole new atmosphere but, instead of having a bit of a transition period, we got straight into lessons. We have no other option, our first exams are in January. So far I'm loving Sociology, Psychology is boring at the moment because we're just going over things I already know and English and Biology are fine. So it's all good! I don't hate it yet, so that's good! I've not got much to say about college to be honest, it's tiring and it takes up a lot of time. There is my excuse for not blogging. Hopefully I'll be able to blog at least a few times a week in the near future, I miss my therapy!
As always I am completely immersed in the StarKid fandom - some things won't be changing for a long time yet! One thing I've kind of realised tonight is that I want to go to a fan gathering/conference of some sort. This hit me just a few minutes ago when I was watching a video from LeakyCon. That whole event seems so incredible, I want to experience something like that. I have this need to meet up with some, if not all of my amazing StarKid internet friends and just geek out together while seeing the people who brought us together. That's a very specific ambition but it's a very real one and it's one I feel needs to happen soon. I don't know, maybe it's just because I saw that there'll be a LeakyCon 2012 that makes me feel like it's a very real thing but that's how I feel.
Something I've been becoming a lot more interested in lately is writing. At the moment I'm more interested in fiction writing than anything else. After being inspired by an amazing Tup fanfic on tumblr I've started writing some Starship based fanfiction that I hope to be at least finished with first drafts of by the end of the month. I don't know how realistic of a goal that is but oh well. I do know I have to be mostly finished by the time November starts because I will be attempting NaNoWriMo in November. I'm fully prepared to fail due to college work and stuff but I'm at least going to try and create some sort of fiction work. Maybe writing my fanfiction will help me with ideas for it! Hopefully it will, since I have no other ideas now!
This was just kind of me checking in, blogging because I haven't in a long time and rambling as usual. It was fun!
Also, when did it become the middle of September?!
As always I am completely immersed in the StarKid fandom - some things won't be changing for a long time yet! One thing I've kind of realised tonight is that I want to go to a fan gathering/conference of some sort. This hit me just a few minutes ago when I was watching a video from LeakyCon. That whole event seems so incredible, I want to experience something like that. I have this need to meet up with some, if not all of my amazing StarKid internet friends and just geek out together while seeing the people who brought us together. That's a very specific ambition but it's a very real one and it's one I feel needs to happen soon. I don't know, maybe it's just because I saw that there'll be a LeakyCon 2012 that makes me feel like it's a very real thing but that's how I feel.
Something I've been becoming a lot more interested in lately is writing. At the moment I'm more interested in fiction writing than anything else. After being inspired by an amazing Tup fanfic on tumblr I've started writing some Starship based fanfiction that I hope to be at least finished with first drafts of by the end of the month. I don't know how realistic of a goal that is but oh well. I do know I have to be mostly finished by the time November starts because I will be attempting NaNoWriMo in November. I'm fully prepared to fail due to college work and stuff but I'm at least going to try and create some sort of fiction work. Maybe writing my fanfiction will help me with ideas for it! Hopefully it will, since I have no other ideas now!
This was just kind of me checking in, blogging because I haven't in a long time and rambling as usual. It was fun!
Also, when did it become the middle of September?!
Thursday, 8 September 2011
One of those moods
I'm in that mood where I just feel inspired, like I want to do something very specific and creative but I have no idea what I want to do. Maybe it's because Julia Albain wrote a new blog, maybe it's because I'm reading some amazing stories, maybe it's because I started college today and just want to do something. Right now I'm thinking it's a combination of those things. I kind of want to write a fanfiction but, although I've started many, I don't have any ideas that I feel would make me feel inspired enough to carry on with it. So I'm doing what I've found to be the best therapy: blogging.
I guess I just want a creative outlet. Every day I am surrounding myself with all these amazing, creative people on tumblr and I just want a way to engage that part of me. I really want to try writing fiction but, as I said earlier, I have no ideas. I want, or need, to plan a story out. I just need the idea for this story. This year I'm planning to take part in NaNoWriMo and at least attempt to write a novel. Writing is the only creative thing I think I could do well in some way. I know I can't do any of "the arts" but I need a way to be creative. It's a new passion that I think tumblr has ignited, that I love and want to act on yet find myself without a way to act on it.
Somehow, other people's words just say what I want to. Other's writing just does it. Somehow, I can read a blog and feel like they have said what I have wanted to for a long time. While that is inspiring and amazing, it also discourages me in a way. It makes me feel like I could never write as well as others, they'll always be able to say or do it better. But maybe that's just a fact of life. Maybe there will always be people who can do it better but you have to try and do what you can. If you do your best maybe it might be enough for someone else. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to write words that can help others. For now I guess I'll just practice.
Also, read this.
I guess I just want a creative outlet. Every day I am surrounding myself with all these amazing, creative people on tumblr and I just want a way to engage that part of me. I really want to try writing fiction but, as I said earlier, I have no ideas. I want, or need, to plan a story out. I just need the idea for this story. This year I'm planning to take part in NaNoWriMo and at least attempt to write a novel. Writing is the only creative thing I think I could do well in some way. I know I can't do any of "the arts" but I need a way to be creative. It's a new passion that I think tumblr has ignited, that I love and want to act on yet find myself without a way to act on it.
Somehow, other people's words just say what I want to. Other's writing just does it. Somehow, I can read a blog and feel like they have said what I have wanted to for a long time. While that is inspiring and amazing, it also discourages me in a way. It makes me feel like I could never write as well as others, they'll always be able to say or do it better. But maybe that's just a fact of life. Maybe there will always be people who can do it better but you have to try and do what you can. If you do your best maybe it might be enough for someone else. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to write words that can help others. For now I guess I'll just practice.
Also, read this.
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Internet People
This post is going to be very similar to others I've made but I don't care because I need to say this.
During the past few days I have made a couple of what I think/hope will be very good friends over the internet. The most recent ones have been through tumblr. Let me tell you a little story...
A couple of nights ago I came across a post on tumblr that was a suicide note. A 13 year old girl had decided to take her own life and swallow a load of pills. Obviously, this disturbed me and I immediately wanted to stop this from happening. I did everything I could think of and so did many other people. I got quite upset that night, all I wanted to do was help this girl. I did everything I could to raise awareness by reblogging her posts etc. Although I got upset, I was still so grateful for the fact that so many people cared. I think that post had 600+ notes (meaning it had been reblogged 600+ times) and so many people were trying to find some way to help. It was kind of beautiful.
Through this night I made 2 friends. Both I'd been talking to before this but I don't think it would have lasted as well as I think they will without that night. Both of these people not only cared about this girl but seemed to care about how I was feeling throughout it. That means so much to me. The fact that people on tumblr in general have taken time to try and cheer me up at times when I've been feeling down means so much. I don't know why but the fact that complete strangers care means a lot to me. On the internet, tumblr especially, I've found some of the nicest people who genuinely seem to care and who I care about. It's amazing. What I love most is the fact that they have the potential to bring so much in to my life yet if it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't have known they exist. It's made me think that I need to be more open to different people in real life. I talk to people of all different ages and backgrounds through the internet, most are people I wouldn't consider possible friends if I met them in real life first. I guess it's just easier to let people in through the internet.
Through StarKid I have met some amazing people. I'm part of a facebook group called The Starkid Affirmation and it has become a family. All of us on there love each other, we have such a community. We have recently started a pen pal thing, because of them I have 2 email and 2 letter pen pals. I love every person in that group, as I have told them many times.
I am in love with the community surrounding StarKid, everyone is so amazing. These amazing actors and writers have created something wonderful.
I've mentioned a few times in this post about how easy I find it to talk to strangers over the internet and it got me thinking about why I feel like this. In general, I find it hard to talk about actual, real stuff in person. I am so much more comfortable typing out my problems instead of talking about them with someone. I don't know why, I just have trouble talking about serious things out loud. Maybe that's why I have found so much love in writing. Maybe it's also because these people don't know your life story (unless you choose to tell them) maybe that makes it easier to confide in them. Maybe it's because people on the internet are generally less judgmental, more sympathetic and friendlier. I think it's probably a combination. Personally though, I think it's because I have trouble talking to people face to face. I don't often have serious conversations about our lives with my friends in real life. If we do, it's usually in the form of texts or facebook/msn messages. It's just easier for me when you can't see each other.
During the past few days I have made a couple of what I think/hope will be very good friends over the internet. The most recent ones have been through tumblr. Let me tell you a little story...
A couple of nights ago I came across a post on tumblr that was a suicide note. A 13 year old girl had decided to take her own life and swallow a load of pills. Obviously, this disturbed me and I immediately wanted to stop this from happening. I did everything I could think of and so did many other people. I got quite upset that night, all I wanted to do was help this girl. I did everything I could to raise awareness by reblogging her posts etc. Although I got upset, I was still so grateful for the fact that so many people cared. I think that post had 600+ notes (meaning it had been reblogged 600+ times) and so many people were trying to find some way to help. It was kind of beautiful.
Through this night I made 2 friends. Both I'd been talking to before this but I don't think it would have lasted as well as I think they will without that night. Both of these people not only cared about this girl but seemed to care about how I was feeling throughout it. That means so much to me. The fact that people on tumblr in general have taken time to try and cheer me up at times when I've been feeling down means so much. I don't know why but the fact that complete strangers care means a lot to me. On the internet, tumblr especially, I've found some of the nicest people who genuinely seem to care and who I care about. It's amazing. What I love most is the fact that they have the potential to bring so much in to my life yet if it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't have known they exist. It's made me think that I need to be more open to different people in real life. I talk to people of all different ages and backgrounds through the internet, most are people I wouldn't consider possible friends if I met them in real life first. I guess it's just easier to let people in through the internet.
Through StarKid I have met some amazing people. I'm part of a facebook group called The Starkid Affirmation and it has become a family. All of us on there love each other, we have such a community. We have recently started a pen pal thing, because of them I have 2 email and 2 letter pen pals. I love every person in that group, as I have told them many times.
I am in love with the community surrounding StarKid, everyone is so amazing. These amazing actors and writers have created something wonderful.
I've mentioned a few times in this post about how easy I find it to talk to strangers over the internet and it got me thinking about why I feel like this. In general, I find it hard to talk about actual, real stuff in person. I am so much more comfortable typing out my problems instead of talking about them with someone. I don't know why, I just have trouble talking about serious things out loud. Maybe that's why I have found so much love in writing. Maybe it's also because these people don't know your life story (unless you choose to tell them) maybe that makes it easier to confide in them. Maybe it's because people on the internet are generally less judgmental, more sympathetic and friendlier. I think it's probably a combination. Personally though, I think it's because I have trouble talking to people face to face. I don't often have serious conversations about our lives with my friends in real life. If we do, it's usually in the form of texts or facebook/msn messages. It's just easier for me when you can't see each other.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
BEDA Day 31: Last Day!
It's the last day of August! I can't believe it's here already! As short a month as it's seemed, lot has happened in August. One thing I do know is that this month, I've changed. I like how I've changed though, so it's all good! This month I've grown up. I've become more sure of what I want to be and, with that more confused about some things in the future. It's good confusion though, I think it's the kind of confusion I should have. When I was very set in my path it was boring. I don't think I was happy. Now I'm happy saying "I want to do this general thing and experience whatever on the way" I guess it just suits me more!
Volunteering has been a huge part of my month and it's helped me with so many things. It's helped me realize what I want to do. It's also helped me develop my skills with children. I'm so much more comfortable interacting with children after this month, I understand different ways to get through to them now. I can tell them off! That's something I never thought I'd be able to do! I feel like volunteering has also made me slightly more comfortable in social situations. I still am and will always be an awkward turtle but the fact that I went to volunteering not knowing anyone I'd be working with and, although I didn't make any really good friends, I managed to get along with the people I was working with and I wasn't miserable. That's an achievement for me!
This month I've also become more confident at blogging. It's something I was going away from but a combination of doing BEDA and reading Julia Albain's blogs/book has made me love blogging. I really have grown to love it. As many times as I've thought "I really can't be bothered" this month, I've managed to put something out everyday. They weren't all about actual stuff but I have written something in this blog everyday for a month. I'm proud of that.
I'm pretty sure I had a lot more to say in this blog but, as always, I can't remember it!
By the way:
Volunteering has been a huge part of my month and it's helped me with so many things. It's helped me realize what I want to do. It's also helped me develop my skills with children. I'm so much more comfortable interacting with children after this month, I understand different ways to get through to them now. I can tell them off! That's something I never thought I'd be able to do! I feel like volunteering has also made me slightly more comfortable in social situations. I still am and will always be an awkward turtle but the fact that I went to volunteering not knowing anyone I'd be working with and, although I didn't make any really good friends, I managed to get along with the people I was working with and I wasn't miserable. That's an achievement for me!
This month I've also become more confident at blogging. It's something I was going away from but a combination of doing BEDA and reading Julia Albain's blogs/book has made me love blogging. I really have grown to love it. As many times as I've thought "I really can't be bothered" this month, I've managed to put something out everyday. They weren't all about actual stuff but I have written something in this blog everyday for a month. I'm proud of that.
I'm pretty sure I had a lot more to say in this blog but, as always, I can't remember it!
By the way:
- I have now listened to Holiday Club by Jim and the Povolos over 30 times
- I am completely obsessed and in love
- As predicted I had a big blog in my head about Julia Albain at 1am in the morning
- That always happens
- I want to blog tomorrow but I feel like I need a day off
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
BEDA Day 30: This is what happens when I just write
Wow! It's the second to last day of BEDA! I can't believe it's nearly the end of August tomorrow! I'm not going to go into an end of August blog because that's what I'm planning for tomorrow.
Today has just been an internet and hairdressers day. Literally, all I've done today that hasn't been on the computer is go to the hairdressers. The hairdressers is always fun. It takes about 2 hours for my hair because I get it re-dyed and cut and stuff and that takes a long time! I always seem to go through the same thought process when my hair is being washed, it goes something like this: ohwowthisissocomfortable-okaydon'tfallasleep-keepyoureyesclosedbutdon'tfallasleep-ohcoolshejustsplatteredwateronmyface-Iwonderifthatwaterhadanyhairdyein-IbetIhaveredsplattersonmyfacenow-ohwowIlikethemassagebitofthis-mahncouldn'tthathavelastedlonger-okaymyneckhurtsnow. Yeah, I was going to tweet that but it's too long so I put it here.
Also, this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyDgjtnOvyA
Just that. Watch it, fall in love with it. That is real music there. It's just...so amazing. It kind of takes my breath away a little bit. To read a little more of me fangirling over it go here http://justanotherstarkidblog.tumblr.com/post/9598972914/cantwejustbedeath-eaters-this-is-just-the
Okay, links over!
Also today I read everything on the Julia Albain tag on tumblr, got some pen pals and spilt tea on (and possibly burnt) my leg. Fun times.
I'm sorry my penultimate blog wasn't very interesting but I honestly didn't have anything to say! I bet I'll think of something in the middle of the night but oh well, this'll have to do!
Today has just been an internet and hairdressers day. Literally, all I've done today that hasn't been on the computer is go to the hairdressers. The hairdressers is always fun. It takes about 2 hours for my hair because I get it re-dyed and cut and stuff and that takes a long time! I always seem to go through the same thought process when my hair is being washed, it goes something like this: ohwowthisissocomfortable-okaydon'tfallasleep-keepyoureyesclosedbutdon'tfallasleep-ohcoolshejustsplatteredwateronmyface-Iwonderifthatwaterhadanyhairdyein-IbetIhaveredsplattersonmyfacenow-ohwowIlikethemassagebitofthis-mahncouldn'tthathavelastedlonger-okaymyneckhurtsnow. Yeah, I was going to tweet that but it's too long so I put it here.
Also, this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyDgjtnOvyA
Just that. Watch it, fall in love with it. That is real music there. It's just...so amazing. It kind of takes my breath away a little bit. To read a little more of me fangirling over it go here http://justanotherstarkidblog.tumblr.com/post/9598972914/cantwejustbedeath-eaters-this-is-just-the
Okay, links over!
Also today I read everything on the Julia Albain tag on tumblr, got some pen pals and spilt tea on (and possibly burnt) my leg. Fun times.
I'm sorry my penultimate blog wasn't very interesting but I honestly didn't have anything to say! I bet I'll think of something in the middle of the night but oh well, this'll have to do!
Monday, 29 August 2011
BEDA Day 29: Love Day
Today has been one of those days where my brain just goes *BLAHBLAHBLAH-ILOVESTARKIDSOMUCH-BLAHBLAHBLAH-OMGILOVETHISFANDOMSOMUCH-BLAHBLAHBLAH-OMFGTHESEPEOPLE-BLAHBLAHBLAH-HOWCANWORDSBESOACCURATE-BLAHBLAHBLAH-JULIAALBAINILOVEYOUUU-BLAHBLAHBLAH-ILOVETHISFANDOMLIKEALOTALOT-BLAHBLAHBLAH* over and over. Also, if you read all of that and didn't just skip to this point I love you. It's just been a love day for me I guess. It's weird, last week I was pretty depressed but over this weekend I've kind of stopped and become more me. I'm thinking it's hormones. Yup, I'm blaming it on hormones! Being a teenage girl means you can do that!
I think all this love came from seeing the livestream last night. It really made me re-realise my immense love for this fandom. Unfortunately I couldn't watch a lot of the fan charity livestream due to our guests but I was able to watch the last 2 hours on my iPod last night. The main things they did while I was watching was the auction and they slushie'd each other. The amount they managed to raise was amazing! On the auction alone they managed to make $474, plus other money they were donating from tweets etc. I think the total is over $500. That is so amazing. It just shows how we can make a difference. These amazing girls stayed up for 24 hours to help raise money for a cause that people they love and admire have chosen to support. The fact that fans are willing to do that is just so amazing to me. I swear, I love the people in this fandom almost as much as I love the people it's centered around. Maybe it's the same in other fandoms, I've never been a part of a fandom until Starkid, but there is such an overwhelming sense of community that surrounds Team StarKid. It never fails to blow me away. I love it so much.
I think all this love came from seeing the livestream last night. It really made me re-realise my immense love for this fandom. Unfortunately I couldn't watch a lot of the fan charity livestream due to our guests but I was able to watch the last 2 hours on my iPod last night. The main things they did while I was watching was the auction and they slushie'd each other. The amount they managed to raise was amazing! On the auction alone they managed to make $474, plus other money they were donating from tweets etc. I think the total is over $500. That is so amazing. It just shows how we can make a difference. These amazing girls stayed up for 24 hours to help raise money for a cause that people they love and admire have chosen to support. The fact that fans are willing to do that is just so amazing to me. I swear, I love the people in this fandom almost as much as I love the people it's centered around. Maybe it's the same in other fandoms, I've never been a part of a fandom until Starkid, but there is such an overwhelming sense of community that surrounds Team StarKid. It never fails to blow me away. I love it so much.
For some reason today I had a big surge of Julia-love. If you've ever properly talked about StarKid with me then you'll know that I absolutely love and adore Julia Albain. Ever since I read her book I have been a little bit obsessed with her, her writing and her views on life. I feel like she is what I want to be, I almost feel like she is how I would be if I had been born and raised in America. Her writing is wonderful and inspiring. Ordering Julia Albain's book was one of the best things I've ever done, it changed my life. Since reading it I have been more inspired to write. It's also made me more accepting of learning. For some reason, it just made me want to know more, not more about anything in particular, just more information. The book just kind of opened my eyes to new things and made me want to experience more. It lives by my bed and I dip into it whenever I'm feeling down or confused. It's almost become my handbook and I know I will take it with me everywhere. I would love to meet Julia Albain. I don't know how much I'd be able to say to her if I actually met her, I want to talk to her but I've built her up so much in my head I don't know how I would react. I want to be able to talk to her so much. She offers acting/writing/life coaching and, if I ever need it I might have to contact her about it, I almost want to try to write a book so I can get her advice on it but I know that's unfair so I won't do it.
So yeah, today I was just feeling the StarKid love and decided to blog about it!
Sunday, 28 August 2011
BEDA Day 28
I'm so tired. These past 2 days I have been so tempted to not blog. But I know that if I miss a day I won't be able to say that I successfully did BEDA. That's something I want. I want to have the achievement of having blogged every day for a month. It's something that I said I would do so I'm doing it, I need to finish it to prove myself I can do it.
Today I am tired, as I said at the start of tgis blog. The people who are staying have always been pretty tiring but, for one reason in particular, they're more exhausting this time. I don't know how much to put out there. I'm not going to fully go into it today, I might sometime but not today. If you know me in real life you've probably heard me rant about this subject, its something that's been bothering me for a while. I'm not meaning to be super secret about this I just don't know how much would be sensible to put out there for everyone to see. If you want to hear me rant a lot tell me and I might but I'm not going to bother you with it here.
In other news, today I have been thinking a lot about fandoms again. StarKid are holding charity events this weekend and the way it's been supported by the fans has really got me thinking. There is a 24 hour live stream going on right now in order to raise money for the charity and they're doing auctions and stuff for it. Seeing this shows me how amazing a group of people can be. I honestly think that the community surrounding StarKid profuctions is almost, if not more, amazing as the people themselves.
Our guests are going home tomorrow so there will hopefully be some better blogging going on tomorrow. Sorry for the short, not so good ones but I had to do them!
Today I am tired, as I said at the start of tgis blog. The people who are staying have always been pretty tiring but, for one reason in particular, they're more exhausting this time. I don't know how much to put out there. I'm not going to fully go into it today, I might sometime but not today. If you know me in real life you've probably heard me rant about this subject, its something that's been bothering me for a while. I'm not meaning to be super secret about this I just don't know how much would be sensible to put out there for everyone to see. If you want to hear me rant a lot tell me and I might but I'm not going to bother you with it here.
In other news, today I have been thinking a lot about fandoms again. StarKid are holding charity events this weekend and the way it's been supported by the fans has really got me thinking. There is a 24 hour live stream going on right now in order to raise money for the charity and they're doing auctions and stuff for it. Seeing this shows me how amazing a group of people can be. I honestly think that the community surrounding StarKid profuctions is almost, if not more, amazing as the people themselves.
Our guests are going home tomorrow so there will hopefully be some better blogging going on tomorrow. Sorry for the short, not so good ones but I had to do them!
Saturday, 27 August 2011
BEDA Day 27
I don't really have anything I want/need to talk about today. As predicted I'm writing this from my iPod so its probably going to be a short one.
There is a lot I could say but, honestly, I can't really be bothered. I'm tired from volunteering and being sociable with a certain person is very tiring. I have to say though, somehow wearing my StarKid sunglasses is helping. It probably sounds like I'm being over poetic but there's something about sitting in the car when some people are being difficult and remembering you have your StarKid glasses on. Maybe it's because StarKid is connected to so many different memories for me. Maybe it's because that group of people never fail to cheer me up. Maybe it's a combination of a lot of things. All I know is that I'd probably be a lot more annoyed and upset without them. They give me something else to think about. StarKid truly are something special.
There is a lot I could say but, honestly, I can't really be bothered. I'm tired from volunteering and being sociable with a certain person is very tiring. I have to say though, somehow wearing my StarKid sunglasses is helping. It probably sounds like I'm being over poetic but there's something about sitting in the car when some people are being difficult and remembering you have your StarKid glasses on. Maybe it's because StarKid is connected to so many different memories for me. Maybe it's because that group of people never fail to cheer me up. Maybe it's a combination of a lot of things. All I know is that I'd probably be a lot more annoyed and upset without them. They give me something else to think about. StarKid truly are something special.
Friday, 26 August 2011
BEDA Day 26: Volunteering
As you'll know if you've followed my blog for a while, I've been volunteering this August. When I grow up I want to be a special needs teacher. I have gone through quite a journey to realize this though...
Last year I decided I wanted to be a drama therapist so I set up my work experience at a local special school as those would be the kind of people I'd want to work with. I wasn't expecting to love it as much as I did. It was just a natural thing for me. I loved the kids, the environment and the work I got to do. So I decided I wanted to be a teacher with special interests in children with special needs.
To gain experience I decided to start volunteering. I helped at a local after school club September to January but didn't like it as much. I liked the children, it just wasn't as good as the special school and didn't seem as easy. I stuck by my goal though and decided to volunteer with a play scheme this August for special needs children. That is what my August has been and I've loved it! Today was the last day of the play scheme which is why I'm blogging about it today. I have absolutely loved it. I've said that before but I did. Again, it just kind of came naturally to me. I don't know why but somehow, children with special needs are easier to me. They're more of a challenge, but it's a fun challenge. You're always learning, you have to find new ways of communicating with people since a lot of them can't talk. It's just fun to me.
Volunteering has done a lot for me. I've become more confident with children, having more experience helps so much. I have picked up bits of sign language which is something I really want to carry on with. The whole experience of volunteering is great, there's nothing in it for you (other than experience) but it's helping people and that may be the best feeling in the world.
This blog was eh, more all over the place than usual and may not have made sense but I had to say what I said so I did. Yup.
Basically: I finished volunteering today and it was amazing but tiring and I'm now more clear of what I want to do. Also, volunteering is great, you should do it. I just said that in more words.
I have come to the conclusion that I definitely want to work with children with special needs.
Last year I decided I wanted to be a drama therapist so I set up my work experience at a local special school as those would be the kind of people I'd want to work with. I wasn't expecting to love it as much as I did. It was just a natural thing for me. I loved the kids, the environment and the work I got to do. So I decided I wanted to be a teacher with special interests in children with special needs.
To gain experience I decided to start volunteering. I helped at a local after school club September to January but didn't like it as much. I liked the children, it just wasn't as good as the special school and didn't seem as easy. I stuck by my goal though and decided to volunteer with a play scheme this August for special needs children. That is what my August has been and I've loved it! Today was the last day of the play scheme which is why I'm blogging about it today. I have absolutely loved it. I've said that before but I did. Again, it just kind of came naturally to me. I don't know why but somehow, children with special needs are easier to me. They're more of a challenge, but it's a fun challenge. You're always learning, you have to find new ways of communicating with people since a lot of them can't talk. It's just fun to me.
Volunteering has done a lot for me. I've become more confident with children, having more experience helps so much. I have picked up bits of sign language which is something I really want to carry on with. The whole experience of volunteering is great, there's nothing in it for you (other than experience) but it's helping people and that may be the best feeling in the world.
This blog was eh, more all over the place than usual and may not have made sense but I had to say what I said so I did. Yup.
Basically: I finished volunteering today and it was amazing but tiring and I'm now more clear of what I want to do. Also, volunteering is great, you should do it. I just said that in more words.
I have come to the conclusion that I definitely want to work with children with special needs.
Thursday, 25 August 2011
BEDA Day 25: Results
Well, I got my results. After a night and morning of nervousness I headed into school to wait some more and receive my results. I'm pleased! I got :
- Music - B
- Psychology - A
- Maths - A
- Spanish - B
- Drama - B (no idea how that happened)
- RS - A (no idea how that happened either)
- AIDA - Credit (equivalent to a B)
- Biology - A
- Chemistry - A*
- Physics - A
- English Lit - B
- English Lang - A
I'm not sure what my blogging habits are going to be like over the next few days; we have family friends visiting tomorrow so I don't know how much access I'll have to the laptop. I will have internet on my iPod though so I'll try to write a little bit each day...
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
BEDA Day 24:
"Roses are the most beautiful flowers. Life is a beautiful thing. They are one in the same. How? Life withers with time, grows rough and coarse. It has a time limit within which it should be admired--as some lives do not last long. Roses are the same. Life is but a flower, beautiful, but with a price that all must pay. But do not lose yourself in the prospect that we all wither; rather embrace it and live every day to the fullest with each soft, beautiful petal."
Someone posted this on a facebook page today and, because I don't particularly feel like writing a lot I just wanted to share it.
It's amazing how other people can say what you're thinking so perfectly, isn't it? I don't know how they do it. Thinking about it now, the fact that people can do that shows that we aren't alone. So many times I feel things and it seems like I'm the only one going through it but I'm not. Somehow, putting this quote here has made me realize that. I think a lot.
Also, how many of you started singing "baby you're not alone!" during that last paragraph?
Also also resultstomorrowohmygodimsonervousokaythisishorrible
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
BEDA Day 23: I love strangers
So yeah, my love for people I have never met is incredible. Somehow, things they say mean so much to me. Yes, this is another post about tumblr. Nope. I don't care.
Last night I was feeling pretty crappy (again) and I posted it on tumblr because...I don't know, I guess I just wanted to be heard. A few minutes later I got the nicest, loveliest message ever. It didn't say a lot, it was just nice and exactly what I needed. I don't think someone's ever said exactly what I need to hear directly to me before. It meant (and still means) a lot to me. It just helped me a lot. I took their advice and it helped a lot. It was a little thing but it made me feel better. Before last night I'd never talked to the girl who messaged me, we followed each other but hadn't talked. Maybe that made it more special. The fact that someone I had never talked to cared that I was feeling lonely. It's something that's really special to me.
I love the internet so much. I've rambled on about it a lot this month but really, I love it. You FIND so many amazing people on here, people you don't know can affect your life by saying the smallest things. People in different countries can bring so much to your life, I will never be able to fully express how amazing I find it or how much I love it.
Also, I have kids songs etched into my brain. I have watched a certain episode of Barney at least 10 times.
"Kids are cooler than adults"
Julia Albain
Last night I was feeling pretty crappy (again) and I posted it on tumblr because...I don't know, I guess I just wanted to be heard. A few minutes later I got the nicest, loveliest message ever. It didn't say a lot, it was just nice and exactly what I needed. I don't think someone's ever said exactly what I need to hear directly to me before. It meant (and still means) a lot to me. It just helped me a lot. I took their advice and it helped a lot. It was a little thing but it made me feel better. Before last night I'd never talked to the girl who messaged me, we followed each other but hadn't talked. Maybe that made it more special. The fact that someone I had never talked to cared that I was feeling lonely. It's something that's really special to me.
I love the internet so much. I've rambled on about it a lot this month but really, I love it. You FIND so many amazing people on here, people you don't know can affect your life by saying the smallest things. People in different countries can bring so much to your life, I will never be able to fully express how amazing I find it or how much I love it.
Also, I have kids songs etched into my brain. I have watched a certain episode of Barney at least 10 times.
"Kids are cooler than adults"
Julia Albain
Monday, 22 August 2011
BEDA Day 22: Tiredness
Last night the last chapter of Learning to Dance was posted. It was amazing. I haven't written a lot about it on here but basically, it's amazing. I cried my eyes out several times and it has a happy ending. I love it. However, the last chapter was meant to come out at 3am GMT (damn time zones) and, because of volunteering I couldn't stay up. I managed to randomly wake up at 5am though, so I read it then. It was beautiful, as always but I payed for it today. I've been knackered all day. But it was worth it.
Perhaps because of this tiredness I've not been very happy today...for no particular reason, I've just not been happy I guess. I'm a bit of a mess right now, it's cool.
So this is a stupid short blog today, sorry, it's needed. I'm not in a thinking place right now.
Perhaps because of this tiredness I've not been very happy today...for no particular reason, I've just not been happy I guess. I'm a bit of a mess right now, it's cool.
So this is a stupid short blog today, sorry, it's needed. I'm not in a thinking place right now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)