Recently I've just not been feeling right in myself. I don't really have a reason for not feeling right but tonight I think I've at least been able to put a name to it; something I'm not able to do easily most of the time. The most prominent feeling in my mind right now seems to be one of unrest. This feeling doesn't seem justified: things are more or less the same as they have been for the last year or so, I can't see any change to my life other than growing a year older.
Along with this feeling there's a longing to move on and start the process of life beyond the same people, places and lessons that I've been around for as long as I remember. I'm tired of looking to the future, preparing for it and yet not having it quite within my reach. I have this naive yearn for everything to just be exactly how I want it to be right now without having to work. I want what I want but I just want it now. I know that sounds like I'm a big spoilt brat who just wants what she can't have. Maybe that's exactly who I am, even though it's not who I want to be.
After saying that, I do have to say that I know that nothing will ever be exactly how how I want it to be: life's not perfect. It will take work to get my life near to what I want it to be right now, it'll always take work to get what I want. I just have to want it enough to work for it.
Maybe this feeling is just me getting tired of working. I don't know. I just know that I have to keep on going and so that's what I'll do.
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