Right now I'm feeling a whole mix of things about the future and what it will bring for me and my relationships. I know that life will ultimately work out for me, whether it's the way I want it to be right now or not but at the same time I feel so scared and so unsure about what's coming. I know how unlikely it is that the future I want right now will come to me, yet I can't stop myself hoping that this will happen. Then I feel like I'm stupid and naive for hoping this when I know that I probably won't get it. Add to that a paralyzing fear of what will actually happen when the future actually comes and I'm just a mess of I don't knows. My feelings and my knowledge are so contradictory.
I'm starting to think that that is just the way that life is sometimes. Maybe these feelings are part of growing up, part of maturing into my own person and becoming an independent person who has to sort all their own problems and relationships out on their own. I know that that's the destination of this journey, it's where I must go eventually, it's just the journey that will take some navigation. The journey will be hard and will bring a lot of emotional turmoil, probably heartbreak of some sort. It's scary. So scary. But I'll get through it. This journey will change me, it will make me a new person, a better person.
It''s all in the journey.
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