I have a special group of friends that have come together over the years. My six best friends are like my family in so many ways. We've come together in a weird way, really, with the group growing and shrinking as we adopt and accept people who need it. We've kind of always been the group of misfits throughout high school. I'm the first person to want to make friends with someone who seems lonely or out of place with the people they're spending time with. From year seven to year 12, if you want to sit with our group and become a part of it, we're willing to let you. Maybe, if I hadn't have met these people in high school I wouldn't be friends with a lot of them.
But I did meet them in high school and they are the best of friends to me. Most of us have done our growing up from children to young adults together and that gives us a tie that can't easily be broken. We understand each other in a way that not many can. When it feels like most people our age are acting a lot more grown up than I feel, I know I can go to them and be immature, make noises and pull faces at each other like it's what anyone and everyone does. We can be mature, we just choose not to be when we spend time together because we can be ourselves and relax together. At the same time, we can stay up all night talking about the meaning of life, how people are stupid in this world or random crushes we may have. That isn't something you can just do with anyone, it's a special bond that allows that and I'm so glad to have it right now.
Yesterday I left a little bit of what has bonded us together for so many years: our high school/sixth form. We left behind the comfortable rhythm of going in each day knowing that we would see one another and be able to talk about whatever we felt like. We left the place that brought us together and gave us a way to catch up. We're all very similar in that we don't really like doing much outside of the internet and so we don't see each other outside of school, partly because we don't need to. We get our time together in school.
Now that I know we can't get that it's very weird. I've always known that I could come back to that comfort of seeing my friends in September and knowing more or less what to expect. Now that's gone and we need to form a friendship in a different context. This summer needs to be one of friendship and coming together as often as we can to catch up and create our group outside of school. As we move away to Uni it will become a friendship based online but, when we can, our friendship needs to be in real life. This summer we have the opportunity to make that real life friendship exist in the real world outside of school.
About Me
Friday, 24 May 2013
Friday, 1 February 2013
Change
I've been thinking a lot about change, the ways people change, what kinds of change are necessary and the differences between good and bad change. As humans, I think we are always changing or at least striving to change something about ourselves. Change is the only constant in our lives. The most important change, I think, is the changes you make in yourself. They're the most necessary changes in my mind.
So often it seems that most people want to change something physical about themselves, whether it's bad skin or weight or hair colour. It's natural; we all have things we don't like about ourselves at times, it's part of being a person. I think the most important change, though, is the change inside. This is the change we don't hear about as much as a change to the outside of a person. The physical change, the change to make yourself look a certain way is the one that's talked about most, that seems to be valued most by society.
I think the change that we all need to focus on is the change within rather than the change on the outside. It's our thoughts that need to change above all else. If you can't accept something about your looks then you can change it quite easily for the most part. I think that you need to do it for the right reasons, though. I think that you need to accept that looking a certain way is okay, your physical looks are how they are, you can't physically change them that much. That's why I think it's important to work at changing the thoughts you have first. Acceptance of yourself as you are first of all is what needs to come first of all.
Previously I've held the attitude that acceptance should occur rather than change. I was very clear in my mind that people should accept themselves and that should be it. I've realised now that the acceptance just needs to come first. If you can accept that you are a certain way and that's okay, but still want to change something about it for your own personal happiness then that is something that needs to change. People change no matter what, it's the form of the change that matters. Change needs to happen for a person's mental heath, nothing else.
So often it seems that most people want to change something physical about themselves, whether it's bad skin or weight or hair colour. It's natural; we all have things we don't like about ourselves at times, it's part of being a person. I think the most important change, though, is the change inside. This is the change we don't hear about as much as a change to the outside of a person. The physical change, the change to make yourself look a certain way is the one that's talked about most, that seems to be valued most by society.
I think the change that we all need to focus on is the change within rather than the change on the outside. It's our thoughts that need to change above all else. If you can't accept something about your looks then you can change it quite easily for the most part. I think that you need to do it for the right reasons, though. I think that you need to accept that looking a certain way is okay, your physical looks are how they are, you can't physically change them that much. That's why I think it's important to work at changing the thoughts you have first. Acceptance of yourself as you are first of all is what needs to come first of all.
Previously I've held the attitude that acceptance should occur rather than change. I was very clear in my mind that people should accept themselves and that should be it. I've realised now that the acceptance just needs to come first. If you can accept that you are a certain way and that's okay, but still want to change something about it for your own personal happiness then that is something that needs to change. People change no matter what, it's the form of the change that matters. Change needs to happen for a person's mental heath, nothing else.
Monday, 7 January 2013
I don't fit.
I just don't fit with a group of people. I fit with one or to people as pairs, I can have a perfectly good time with just one other person, maybe two. Put me in a group bigger than that though and I just don't fit in. Everyone has someone else that they fit better with. Everyone has a shared background of liking a certain thing that either I've never liked or only just like. Everyone just has better connections with other people.
Even when I've felt like I fit in a little but I still had a difference. In the StarKid fandom and the brilliant family I gained from it I had a difference: I had never really been obsessed with Harry Potter. I liked it, but I wasn't exactly a fan, I'd not even seen the films. So, even though I did feel a sense of belonging, I still didn't have the same experiences. I wasn't similar to the rest of them; I didn't know one of their deepest loves as well as I felt I ought to in order to be fully with them.
I've had friendship groups where, for a short time, I've felt complete belonging but eventually I always find myself feeling distant from them. There is always someone who my friend would prefer to spend time with, it is always as if I am a third wheel whenever someone else is there.
Maybe I'm just over sensitive, maybe it's something everyone feels, I don't know.
Even when I've felt like I fit in a little but I still had a difference. In the StarKid fandom and the brilliant family I gained from it I had a difference: I had never really been obsessed with Harry Potter. I liked it, but I wasn't exactly a fan, I'd not even seen the films. So, even though I did feel a sense of belonging, I still didn't have the same experiences. I wasn't similar to the rest of them; I didn't know one of their deepest loves as well as I felt I ought to in order to be fully with them.
I've had friendship groups where, for a short time, I've felt complete belonging but eventually I always find myself feeling distant from them. There is always someone who my friend would prefer to spend time with, it is always as if I am a third wheel whenever someone else is there.
Maybe I'm just over sensitive, maybe it's something everyone feels, I don't know.
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Love is worth it
Love is worth everything. Love for your peers, love for your family and especially love for yourself. It's worth it. The message of loving isn't out there enough, it's something that is just taken for granted: it is expected that we will receive love as children and that will be enough. But so often it's not, so often people don't get the love they deserve. It's a problem but it's a problem that is often dealt with in time.
What's more of a problem in my eyes though is the lack of love we all have for ourselves. It's just not something we are taught to want when really it should be something we are taught we need for good health. People just don't value it, if you show any signs of liking yourself then you're seen as not a very nice person, it's just the message that's given to us.
So many times I said "if I believed that I was a wonderful person then I'd be the most big headed person in the world" because it's what I genuinely believed. I thought no one wanted to be friends with someone who thought they were actually good. After a while I realised that it was something I deserved because it's something everyone deserves.
I intend to do everything I possibly can do to spread this knowledge to as many people as possible.
What's more of a problem in my eyes though is the lack of love we all have for ourselves. It's just not something we are taught to want when really it should be something we are taught we need for good health. People just don't value it, if you show any signs of liking yourself then you're seen as not a very nice person, it's just the message that's given to us.
So many times I said "if I believed that I was a wonderful person then I'd be the most big headed person in the world" because it's what I genuinely believed. I thought no one wanted to be friends with someone who thought they were actually good. After a while I realised that it was something I deserved because it's something everyone deserves.
I intend to do everything I possibly can do to spread this knowledge to as many people as possible.
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
2013
So it's officially a new year and, like every other year, there's been no change on the actual year passing. I have decided, though, that I want to take this chance to actually lay out some life goals. Like new year's resolutions. but more permanent. In my last blog I listed a few goals, but I need to write them down properly, explaining everything (more to myself than anyone else) to be able to make a conscious effort to work on them.
1. Live in the present more and worry less.
I'm a worrier, it's in my genes. But worrying about the future too much has cost me a lot of happiness this year. I know it'll be hard, I'm a human so I'm naturally set in my ways. I know I need to at least try because it's just not worth it.
2. Be more creative.
Creativity is good. I have my wreck this journal, countless notebooks and this blog where I can be as creative as I want in as many ways as I want. I need to use these tools as much as I can to help me be more creative and grow as a person with it.
3. Read as much as I can.
School and the internet got in the way of me reading for pleasure and I really miss it. Lately, I've started doing it more and it makes me happier. Happiness is the goal so I need to carry that on into the future.
4. Try to stop the negative thoughts.
I know I can't control my thoughts as much as I'd like to but I can at least try to stop the thoughts that I know are poisonous before they get to me and cause harm. Your thoughts determine what you put out in the world and I want to out positivity out there above all else.
5. Be kind to people.
You never know how kindness can affect someone. Maybe it won't have any effect, maybe it'll have a big effect, maybe somewhere in between but, even if it has no effect whatsoever, kindness is always worth it.
6. Take responsibility for my feelings.
I need to remember that, as much as other people can change emotions, they are not responsible for them. My emotions are mine, no one else's and if I blame other people for them, good or bad, then it will just bring more sadness into the world.
7. Voice my opinions more.
If someone says something I don't like I want to be able to have the courage to disagree with them and tell them so. I shouldn't let people get away with being mean about someone or something I love.
8. Work hard.
I'm really proud of the work ethic I've developed this year and I want to keep it up when it's needed.
9. Learn to appreciate the rest time I have.
If I value it then it will be better for me. If I don't value it then I don't feel like I've had it and therefore it isn't any good for me, as I need it to be.
10. Use music properly.
Yeah, I value music to a point now, but I want to value it more. I want to let it guide and help me in life. I just need to listen and that's what I intend to do this year.
So those are the goals of the journey of 2013, I'll let you know how they go!
Monday, 31 December 2012
The New Year
In many ways, 2012 has felt like an extension, maybe the closure of 2011 and not much more. It doesn't feel like 2012 has brought much in the way of life changing events for me. 2011 was the best year of my life so far. A lot happened and I had a lot of good times, it was without a doubt my happiest year. 2012 was alright. Honestly, it wasn't monumental. It wasn't a great year and, especially recently, I went through some rough times with my emotions. All in all, however, it was okay. It wasn't a bad year, 2011 was just better in comparison.
It's hard to distinguish the past two years from each other because, in many ways, they've just run into one. School carried on almost exactly the same, my friendships either became weaker or stayed the same and my life just generally plodded a long at the same place. all in all, though, it's not been a bad year. When I look back on it, I see that there were quite a few good things about 2012 and that is the best I can hope for.
But now I know that 2013 will be different. A lot will change. But that's okay, it's needed. It'll be scary and it'll be hard but it'll be okay. I know I just have to be present and try to be the best me I can be and I'll be okay.
Good things about 2012:
Goals for 2013:
It's hard to distinguish the past two years from each other because, in many ways, they've just run into one. School carried on almost exactly the same, my friendships either became weaker or stayed the same and my life just generally plodded a long at the same place. all in all, though, it's not been a bad year. When I look back on it, I see that there were quite a few good things about 2012 and that is the best I can hope for.
But now I know that 2013 will be different. A lot will change. But that's okay, it's needed. It'll be scary and it'll be hard but it'll be okay. I know I just have to be present and try to be the best me I can be and I'll be okay.
Good things about 2012:
- I celebrated my first first anniversary with the person I love the most in the world
- I started to search for inspiration
- I tried to help people
- My confidence increased
- I achieved good enough grades
- I worked my butt off for those grades
- I received offers from all 5 of the Universities I applied for
- Glow* started
- I got a great job
- I met 3 of the best people I know in person for the first time
Goals for 2013:
- Love more
- Live in the present more
- Worry about the future less
- Write as much as possible
- Read more
Monday, 24 December 2012
Things are good
I'm good. Right now I am good.
For the past few months I have been the opposite of good. I don't know what went wrong, I just was't happy and I wasn't dealing with it very well. Sadness just arrived in my life with no apparent reason and no warning. It was a rough few months, I constantly felt like I was about to fall apart.
Then, suddenly, this past week or so I began to feel something I hadn't really been able to fully feel for a while: happiness. I just remember sitting there on the bus feeling happy just being there for the first time I can remember in a while. I've been able to hold onto that feeling. It arrived as unexpectedly as it went.
I don't know why I was given this journey, I don't know the cause or the intention, I just know that I was given it. As hard as it was, I know that it was necessary. I might not fully understand what I've learnt from it but I know I've learnt something. I am stronger than I was, I get stronger every day.
I think I lost myself a bit in the past few months but, in the words of Taylor Swift, "I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are". I still don't know myself but I'm getting there. I do think that losing yourself is what lets you find yourself. I probably need to lose myself a few more times before I can properly find myself and that's okay.
For the past few months I have been the opposite of good. I don't know what went wrong, I just was't happy and I wasn't dealing with it very well. Sadness just arrived in my life with no apparent reason and no warning. It was a rough few months, I constantly felt like I was about to fall apart.
Then, suddenly, this past week or so I began to feel something I hadn't really been able to fully feel for a while: happiness. I just remember sitting there on the bus feeling happy just being there for the first time I can remember in a while. I've been able to hold onto that feeling. It arrived as unexpectedly as it went.
I don't know why I was given this journey, I don't know the cause or the intention, I just know that I was given it. As hard as it was, I know that it was necessary. I might not fully understand what I've learnt from it but I know I've learnt something. I am stronger than I was, I get stronger every day.
I think I lost myself a bit in the past few months but, in the words of Taylor Swift, "I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are". I still don't know myself but I'm getting there. I do think that losing yourself is what lets you find yourself. I probably need to lose myself a few more times before I can properly find myself and that's okay.
Sunday, 9 December 2012
My Warriors Heart
This is a post inspired by The Julia Club and their theme for this week.
"I was born with a warrior's heart. I know that now."
- Julia Albain
Like most people, when I read this part of Julia's book I teared up. I teared up because I realised that we all have warrior's hearts. Every single person is born with a warrior's heart and we all use them a little differently. They are all meant for different purposes: some roar, whilst others are quietly confident; some are forceful and driven, whilst others slowly reveal their purpose. It is the journey of finding out this purpose that gives us our own unique path of life.
I think, as children, we are aware of our warrior's hearts. We are purpose driven and we know what we want and when we want it. However, as we grow into teenagers and young adults, the mess of life masks our warrior's hearts and makes us forget that we have them. We get wrapped up in school work, relationships and general side effects of living life. When we are going through tough times, that is when we forget our warrior's heart most of all. It's still there though, beating quietly in the background, driving us, reminding us not to give up.
When we are coming out of these hard times is when we find our warrior's heart again. We see that we can get through anything and everything thanks to this amazing spirit we are born with. In seeing this, we find out that we will be alright. We can get through the trails of life and we can come out stronger on the other side of it.
I think that's the overriding message in Julia's book. We sometimes forget about that warrior's heart inside of us and, during her time in New York, Julia forgot that. I've forgotten that recently. You remember though, and you can get through hard times with the knowledge that you have a warrior's heart to guide you.
"I was born with a warrior's heart. I know that now."
- Julia Albain
Like most people, when I read this part of Julia's book I teared up. I teared up because I realised that we all have warrior's hearts. Every single person is born with a warrior's heart and we all use them a little differently. They are all meant for different purposes: some roar, whilst others are quietly confident; some are forceful and driven, whilst others slowly reveal their purpose. It is the journey of finding out this purpose that gives us our own unique path of life.
I think, as children, we are aware of our warrior's hearts. We are purpose driven and we know what we want and when we want it. However, as we grow into teenagers and young adults, the mess of life masks our warrior's hearts and makes us forget that we have them. We get wrapped up in school work, relationships and general side effects of living life. When we are going through tough times, that is when we forget our warrior's heart most of all. It's still there though, beating quietly in the background, driving us, reminding us not to give up.
When we are coming out of these hard times is when we find our warrior's heart again. We see that we can get through anything and everything thanks to this amazing spirit we are born with. In seeing this, we find out that we will be alright. We can get through the trails of life and we can come out stronger on the other side of it.
I think that's the overriding message in Julia's book. We sometimes forget about that warrior's heart inside of us and, during her time in New York, Julia forgot that. I've forgotten that recently. You remember though, and you can get through hard times with the knowledge that you have a warrior's heart to guide you.
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Use the journey
I've noticed that I can be very focused on what's wrong at a particular time in my life. I get down or I get stressed or something is bugging me and it consumes everything. I know it'll all work out eventually, I'm just not good at waiting for the working out to happen. I constantly fixate on what I want to happen in the future but I want the future to be now. Doing this only makes the problem seem bigger in my head. It makes me feel worse about whatever it is that is bringing me down. In short, it's bad for me.
Now I've realised this I need to try and change it. I know it's not good for me so I have to try and get into good habits. I see a lot of messages out there telling me that it's the journey that matters. Having heard it a lot from my biggest inspirations, I kind of believe it. However, I haven't quite got to the point where I've experienced enough to really know that I need to just try and appreciate the journey. I think that remembering to use the journey and what it will bring me will help me a lot.
Recently I've just not been happy. I don't particularly have a reason for the unhappiness, I just know I'm not right. But today I realised that part of my unhappiness is being caused by not knowing exactly the reason for the unhappiness. I don't have an end product that I can focus on so I'm not happy. Maybe I'm meant to be missing that, though. Maybe I need to go through this period of unhappiness to find what I need to find out without knowing it beforehand. Something has to come out of every experience, I just need to realise that I won't always know what I'll get out of it. That's good.
If I can use the journey then I can focus on becoming who I want to be. I can focus on what I need and want to do. I can focus on my life in the present instead of constantly looking towards what will be. I need to focus on what is.
Now I've realised this I need to try and change it. I know it's not good for me so I have to try and get into good habits. I see a lot of messages out there telling me that it's the journey that matters. Having heard it a lot from my biggest inspirations, I kind of believe it. However, I haven't quite got to the point where I've experienced enough to really know that I need to just try and appreciate the journey. I think that remembering to use the journey and what it will bring me will help me a lot.
Recently I've just not been happy. I don't particularly have a reason for the unhappiness, I just know I'm not right. But today I realised that part of my unhappiness is being caused by not knowing exactly the reason for the unhappiness. I don't have an end product that I can focus on so I'm not happy. Maybe I'm meant to be missing that, though. Maybe I need to go through this period of unhappiness to find what I need to find out without knowing it beforehand. Something has to come out of every experience, I just need to realise that I won't always know what I'll get out of it. That's good.
If I can use the journey then I can focus on becoming who I want to be. I can focus on what I need and want to do. I can focus on my life in the present instead of constantly looking towards what will be. I need to focus on what is.
Thursday, 8 November 2012
What do you want to be when you grow up?
It's such a broad and universal question, isn't it? When you're young you're asked it all the time. But being "grown up" is such a far off, unattainable thing that it doesn't really matter what you say. If you say a cowboy or princess then people think you're cute, if you say a doctor or a writer then people might be impressed but they'll probably also find it cute more than anything. It just doesn't really matter what you say because you're a little kid, the future doesn't feel like it'll ever come.
For me now, the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" has a completely different meaning. Being grown up doesn't feel far away any more. It feels tangible. Growing up was such a far away thing only a few years a go but suddenly I feel like I truly am growing up. I'm not growing up in the "you're getting so big" way, I'm growing up in the intellectual way. I feel like I'm becoming an adult, ready or not. It feels like it's now. It's present. It's happening and that's scary as hell.
Now, if someone says they want to be a doctor, it's impressive because I know how much it takes. If someone tells me they want to be an actor I know how slim the chances are. If someone is getting a job, I think about what it will actually mean. My perspective has changed a lot.
Of course I still feel like a kid playing grown up. Maybe I always will, maybe that's how it's meant to be. Maybe I'm not meant to be feeling grown up, maybe I'm meant to still feel like a child. All I know is that growing up feels like it's happening. But it's okay.
For me now, the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" has a completely different meaning. Being grown up doesn't feel far away any more. It feels tangible. Growing up was such a far away thing only a few years a go but suddenly I feel like I truly am growing up. I'm not growing up in the "you're getting so big" way, I'm growing up in the intellectual way. I feel like I'm becoming an adult, ready or not. It feels like it's now. It's present. It's happening and that's scary as hell.
Now, if someone says they want to be a doctor, it's impressive because I know how much it takes. If someone tells me they want to be an actor I know how slim the chances are. If someone is getting a job, I think about what it will actually mean. My perspective has changed a lot.
Of course I still feel like a kid playing grown up. Maybe I always will, maybe that's how it's meant to be. Maybe I'm not meant to be feeling grown up, maybe I'm meant to still feel like a child. All I know is that growing up feels like it's happening. But it's okay.
Monday, 15 October 2012
Season of waiting
Right now I feel as if I'm simply in a season of waiting. It's felt like this for quite some time now: I'm waiting to go on my next adventure, to have the freedom I desire and to finally start the process of becoming what I desire. One thing I never counted on when entering this season was the exhausting difficulty of waiting. It constantly feels like I'm almost there but not quite close enough to reach the goals I am heading towards, I'm just stuck with them out of my reach.
Within the waiting there is much preparation. Preparation to get me there but seemingly no progress. It almost feels like I have no direction and a very clear direction at the same time. Going through the motions is alright, until it doesn't feel like I'm ever going to stop going through the motions. Planning to get there is alright, until it feels like I'm never going to get there. Waiting is alright, until it feels like it is all I ever do.
At the same time, I feel like things are hurtling towards me. Times of happiness are present in my life and I am very thankful for that. However, there are also times of uncertainty, of the future looming around the corner ready to change everything. It's always present in my life, it's just not fully arrived yet. A change is coming, whether I like it or not, I can see it yet not quite reach it.
The conflicting feelings and overwhelming sense of movement soon is hard to take but they are part of this section of my journey and so I must take them and I must go and use the knowledge they give me through the rest of my life. I know I need to go through this season, just like every other season I have, and will, experience. It won't be easy but it'll be good for me.
Within the waiting there is much preparation. Preparation to get me there but seemingly no progress. It almost feels like I have no direction and a very clear direction at the same time. Going through the motions is alright, until it doesn't feel like I'm ever going to stop going through the motions. Planning to get there is alright, until it feels like I'm never going to get there. Waiting is alright, until it feels like it is all I ever do.
At the same time, I feel like things are hurtling towards me. Times of happiness are present in my life and I am very thankful for that. However, there are also times of uncertainty, of the future looming around the corner ready to change everything. It's always present in my life, it's just not fully arrived yet. A change is coming, whether I like it or not, I can see it yet not quite reach it.
The conflicting feelings and overwhelming sense of movement soon is hard to take but they are part of this section of my journey and so I must take them and I must go and use the knowledge they give me through the rest of my life. I know I need to go through this season, just like every other season I have, and will, experience. It won't be easy but it'll be good for me.
Friday, 12 October 2012
"There are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they become 17
I know these will all be stories someday,
and our pictures will become old photographs,
and we'll all become someone's mum or dad,
but right now,
these moments are not stories, this is happening.
I am here and I am looking at her and she is so beautiful.
I can see it, this one moment when you know you are not a sad story"
This quote kind of sums up everything I know about life. We are all stories, we will all change and become something new, something we never thought we were capable of, something we always knew we would be but never really thought about. It's about the future and the past and how the past shapes us as the future will when it comes. But right now, we should be here in the moment. We are not sad stories, we are stories with ups and downs that make them so beautiful.
"and in that moment, we were infinite"
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
and our pictures will become old photographs,
and we'll all become someone's mum or dad,
but right now,
these moments are not stories, this is happening.
I am here and I am looking at her and she is so beautiful.
I can see it, this one moment when you know you are not a sad story"
This quote kind of sums up everything I know about life. We are all stories, we will all change and become something new, something we never thought we were capable of, something we always knew we would be but never really thought about. It's about the future and the past and how the past shapes us as the future will when it comes. But right now, we should be here in the moment. We are not sad stories, we are stories with ups and downs that make them so beautiful.
"and in that moment, we were infinite"
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Sunday, 7 October 2012
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Today I saw the newly released film: The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I loved it so much. I'd previously read the book and simply couldn't wait to see the film, especially as the writer o the book was also the writer and director of the film. I just have to say, the film was so amazing and so inspirational to me. I think it effected and inspired me more than the book did, quite an achievement since I've always preferred books to films. I also feel like having the same writer for both mediums allowed us to see sides of the characters that aren't mentioned in the book come to life.
I think there's something about Perks that can only be truly felt through the magic of cinema and sound. The music plays such a huge part in both versions but the only way this story can really come alive is through the actual sound of the music and both seeing and feeling the way the characters feel because of this music. The characters of Sam and Patrick are so larger than life that they demand to be seen off the page. Logan mirrors every introverted, geeky teenager in one way or another and the way he is acted is spot on in showing this. The other, more minor characters are so much more recognizable and distinct through film. The way every character in this film is portrayed is one of the main reasons why I think the film stood out to me.
In all, I think that Perks shows every teenager that no matter how messed up things can become, you can find the peace and happiness in your life through the people around you if you truly try. It shows how people who have been messed up earlier on in life can find their own distinct group, their people who know their past but accept and support them. It shows how you only need a few people who really do love and care about you for things to be okay. In the end you're left with the feeling that sometimes things are bad but eventually they will mostly be good.
I feel like the film of Perks has changed me in a way and I'm so glad I let it.
I think there's something about Perks that can only be truly felt through the magic of cinema and sound. The music plays such a huge part in both versions but the only way this story can really come alive is through the actual sound of the music and both seeing and feeling the way the characters feel because of this music. The characters of Sam and Patrick are so larger than life that they demand to be seen off the page. Logan mirrors every introverted, geeky teenager in one way or another and the way he is acted is spot on in showing this. The other, more minor characters are so much more recognizable and distinct through film. The way every character in this film is portrayed is one of the main reasons why I think the film stood out to me.
In all, I think that Perks shows every teenager that no matter how messed up things can become, you can find the peace and happiness in your life through the people around you if you truly try. It shows how people who have been messed up earlier on in life can find their own distinct group, their people who know their past but accept and support them. It shows how you only need a few people who really do love and care about you for things to be okay. In the end you're left with the feeling that sometimes things are bad but eventually they will mostly be good.
I feel like the film of Perks has changed me in a way and I'm so glad I let it.
Friday, 5 October 2012
The journey of growing up
Right now I'm feeling a whole mix of things about the future and what it will bring for me and my relationships. I know that life will ultimately work out for me, whether it's the way I want it to be right now or not but at the same time I feel so scared and so unsure about what's coming. I know how unlikely it is that the future I want right now will come to me, yet I can't stop myself hoping that this will happen. Then I feel like I'm stupid and naive for hoping this when I know that I probably won't get it. Add to that a paralyzing fear of what will actually happen when the future actually comes and I'm just a mess of I don't knows. My feelings and my knowledge are so contradictory.
I'm starting to think that that is just the way that life is sometimes. Maybe these feelings are part of growing up, part of maturing into my own person and becoming an independent person who has to sort all their own problems and relationships out on their own. I know that that's the destination of this journey, it's where I must go eventually, it's just the journey that will take some navigation. The journey will be hard and will bring a lot of emotional turmoil, probably heartbreak of some sort. It's scary. So scary. But I'll get through it. This journey will change me, it will make me a new person, a better person.
It''s all in the journey.
I'm starting to think that that is just the way that life is sometimes. Maybe these feelings are part of growing up, part of maturing into my own person and becoming an independent person who has to sort all their own problems and relationships out on their own. I know that that's the destination of this journey, it's where I must go eventually, it's just the journey that will take some navigation. The journey will be hard and will bring a lot of emotional turmoil, probably heartbreak of some sort. It's scary. So scary. But I'll get through it. This journey will change me, it will make me a new person, a better person.
It''s all in the journey.
Thursday, 27 September 2012
We merely co-existed, Almost met but always missed it, Spinning round like two sides of a coin.
This quote is from a poem by Sarah and Phil Kay/e about how they met. How they've had such similar lives, always being in the same place at the same time but just missing each other. Today I started thinking about just how many people we pass in our lives.
You see so many faces daily, so many people doing so many things. How many people's homes do we pass a day? How many people's livelihood do we pass? How many people's pictures are we in the background of? We are all so connected yet so unaware of it.
Little routines like travelling to school, travelling home from work and eating your lunch are shared by so many. We may all do them in slightly different ways but we still share them in beautiful synchronization. Yet we merely co-exist in them. We have our own little world of people to share our day-to-day life with but how many other people do we share this with? How many people do we merely co-exist around?
Maybe one of the people we merely co-exist with will one day become the most important person in our world. Maybe you're meant to be friends with that person always sat one table away at lunch. Maybe we're just meant to spin round like too sides of a coin, be in each other's world but at the same time never really notice it. There are infinite possibilities. We should leave ourselves open to them because who knows what might happen with one of the strangers we pass by.
You see so many faces daily, so many people doing so many things. How many people's homes do we pass a day? How many people's livelihood do we pass? How many people's pictures are we in the background of? We are all so connected yet so unaware of it.
Little routines like travelling to school, travelling home from work and eating your lunch are shared by so many. We may all do them in slightly different ways but we still share them in beautiful synchronization. Yet we merely co-exist in them. We have our own little world of people to share our day-to-day life with but how many other people do we share this with? How many people do we merely co-exist around?
Maybe one of the people we merely co-exist with will one day become the most important person in our world. Maybe you're meant to be friends with that person always sat one table away at lunch. Maybe we're just meant to spin round like too sides of a coin, be in each other's world but at the same time never really notice it. There are infinite possibilities. We should leave ourselves open to them because who knows what might happen with one of the strangers we pass by.
Saturday, 22 September 2012
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skies are grey,
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.
I love this song. It's stuck in my head ever since I learnt it in school when I was six. If you really think about the words you can see how it's a song telling someone how much you love them and how much they mean to you. It's all about love. It's all about showing someone your feelings. It's all about the impact one person can have on your life. It's simple but simplicity is what creates the most beautiful things in the world.
However, I believe that it is possible to have more than one sunshine in your life. More importantly, I think you must allow yourself to have more than one sunshine. Sunshines come in the form of any person who is near and dear to you. The song is designed to be sung about the love of your life but I think that it could (and should) also be applied to any truly good friend who you can't live without.
The sun is a star after all and there are many stars in the sky. Stars are what you need in your life. Stars will make you happy when skies are grey. When you can't find the right words to express how much you love someone you know you have found one of your stars.
You make me happy,
When skies are grey,
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.
I love this song. It's stuck in my head ever since I learnt it in school when I was six. If you really think about the words you can see how it's a song telling someone how much you love them and how much they mean to you. It's all about love. It's all about showing someone your feelings. It's all about the impact one person can have on your life. It's simple but simplicity is what creates the most beautiful things in the world.
However, I believe that it is possible to have more than one sunshine in your life. More importantly, I think you must allow yourself to have more than one sunshine. Sunshines come in the form of any person who is near and dear to you. The song is designed to be sung about the love of your life but I think that it could (and should) also be applied to any truly good friend who you can't live without.
The sun is a star after all and there are many stars in the sky. Stars are what you need in your life. Stars will make you happy when skies are grey. When you can't find the right words to express how much you love someone you know you have found one of your stars.
Friday, 21 September 2012
Tu me manques
I've seen on tumblr that this phrase is the french equivalent to the phrase "I miss you" but apparently it is closer to "you are missing from me". I think this is so beautiful and a much better way of saying that you miss someone. You are missing from me. You are a part of me. I can only be whole when we're together. I function my best when you are with me.
It's true. If you really really have a strong love with someone then it feels like they complete you. Therefore, when they are not there you feel like a part of you is missing.
Tu me manques. You are missing from me. It's the best way to tell someone how much you love them and how you're feeling when they're not there and you wish there were.
It's true. If you really really have a strong love with someone then it feels like they complete you. Therefore, when they are not there you feel like a part of you is missing.
Tu me manques. You are missing from me. It's the best way to tell someone how much you love them and how you're feeling when they're not there and you wish there were.
Thursday, 20 September 2012
Choosing to be happy
I see this argument that you can choose to be happy around all the time and I don't fully believe it. Yes I think we have some control over how we feel, I do think that the way we look at things can have a big difference. However, I also think that there are many other factors that can affect your emotions more than your own thoughts.
The people around you can impact your emotions greatly. Whether you admit it or not, what people say to and/or about you affects your mood. Humans are social creatures and we all have at least one person who we really do want approval from. We can work towards being completely independent but at the end of the day I believe that other people will always have an impact on our lives.
Sometimes there are conditions that stop us being happy, it could be a mental health issue or having bad mood swings. That's an accepted part of life and in those dark times I don't think you can just decide to change your emotions. It takes time and sometimes professional help to get through them, you can't just turn those things off. It's simply impossible to turn of your emotions, sometimes they just demand to be felt.
However, the way you view a situation in your life can change a lot. Trying to see the positive effect that any change can have on your life rather than fully focusing on the negatives. You can't choose happiness but you can deal with unhappiness by deciding to try to feel better and do your best to help yourself through it.
The people around you can impact your emotions greatly. Whether you admit it or not, what people say to and/or about you affects your mood. Humans are social creatures and we all have at least one person who we really do want approval from. We can work towards being completely independent but at the end of the day I believe that other people will always have an impact on our lives.
Sometimes there are conditions that stop us being happy, it could be a mental health issue or having bad mood swings. That's an accepted part of life and in those dark times I don't think you can just decide to change your emotions. It takes time and sometimes professional help to get through them, you can't just turn those things off. It's simply impossible to turn of your emotions, sometimes they just demand to be felt.
However, the way you view a situation in your life can change a lot. Trying to see the positive effect that any change can have on your life rather than fully focusing on the negatives. You can't choose happiness but you can deal with unhappiness by deciding to try to feel better and do your best to help yourself through it.
Saturday, 15 September 2012
Equality for disability
I believe that people should be treated for what they are and not other people's perceptions or judgments on them. We all judge others and that's completely natural. However I think we need to remember that our first judgments are usually wrong. We tend to either under estimate or over estimate people and see them as more than they are. However, I think that snap judgments based on a person's physical abilities or disabilities are the worst misjudgments possible. If you automatically think that someone with any kind of disability is "amazing" or "inspirational" just because they live like everyone else only with a disability or special need then you're being unfair to the person.
When people think that a picture of a child with downs syndrome on tumblr deserves a lot of notes simply because they have downs syndrome, it gets to me. Honestly, I don't think it's right. Yes, the child's cute but just because they have a disability doesn't mean that a picture of them doing something a child without disability would do deserves any more notes than this child. You might think that you're promoting inclusion or spreading a good message but really you're not: you're making the child become their disability. That's not inclusion, that's putting them on a pedestal that they are only on because of their disability. I can only think that doing that promotes completely the wrong image of disability in society.
I saw this a lot with the paralympics: paralympic athletes are called inspiring even before they've won anything whereas an olympic athlete has to achieve to be labelled as inspiring. That isn't equality. Equality is treating everyone the same no matter what they have to overcome in order to get to where they want to go.
Of course I think that people who choose to make the most of life when they have to live with a very hard disability are amazing, but I also think that people who choose to make the most of life no matter what are amazing. Of course I think a child with downs syndrome is cute, but I also think that any other child is cute. As a society we need to get better at recognizing the person behind the disability and not letting a disability take a person's identity over completely.
When people think that a picture of a child with downs syndrome on tumblr deserves a lot of notes simply because they have downs syndrome, it gets to me. Honestly, I don't think it's right. Yes, the child's cute but just because they have a disability doesn't mean that a picture of them doing something a child without disability would do deserves any more notes than this child. You might think that you're promoting inclusion or spreading a good message but really you're not: you're making the child become their disability. That's not inclusion, that's putting them on a pedestal that they are only on because of their disability. I can only think that doing that promotes completely the wrong image of disability in society.
I saw this a lot with the paralympics: paralympic athletes are called inspiring even before they've won anything whereas an olympic athlete has to achieve to be labelled as inspiring. That isn't equality. Equality is treating everyone the same no matter what they have to overcome in order to get to where they want to go.
Of course I think that people who choose to make the most of life when they have to live with a very hard disability are amazing, but I also think that people who choose to make the most of life no matter what are amazing. Of course I think a child with downs syndrome is cute, but I also think that any other child is cute. As a society we need to get better at recognizing the person behind the disability and not letting a disability take a person's identity over completely.
Friday, 14 September 2012
I just have this feeling...
Recently I've just not been feeling right in myself. I don't really have a reason for not feeling right but tonight I think I've at least been able to put a name to it; something I'm not able to do easily most of the time. The most prominent feeling in my mind right now seems to be one of unrest. This feeling doesn't seem justified: things are more or less the same as they have been for the last year or so, I can't see any change to my life other than growing a year older.
Along with this feeling there's a longing to move on and start the process of life beyond the same people, places and lessons that I've been around for as long as I remember. I'm tired of looking to the future, preparing for it and yet not having it quite within my reach. I have this naive yearn for everything to just be exactly how I want it to be right now without having to work. I want what I want but I just want it now. I know that sounds like I'm a big spoilt brat who just wants what she can't have. Maybe that's exactly who I am, even though it's not who I want to be.
After saying that, I do have to say that I know that nothing will ever be exactly how how I want it to be: life's not perfect. It will take work to get my life near to what I want it to be right now, it'll always take work to get what I want. I just have to want it enough to work for it.
Maybe this feeling is just me getting tired of working. I don't know. I just know that I have to keep on going and so that's what I'll do.
Along with this feeling there's a longing to move on and start the process of life beyond the same people, places and lessons that I've been around for as long as I remember. I'm tired of looking to the future, preparing for it and yet not having it quite within my reach. I have this naive yearn for everything to just be exactly how I want it to be right now without having to work. I want what I want but I just want it now. I know that sounds like I'm a big spoilt brat who just wants what she can't have. Maybe that's exactly who I am, even though it's not who I want to be.
After saying that, I do have to say that I know that nothing will ever be exactly how how I want it to be: life's not perfect. It will take work to get my life near to what I want it to be right now, it'll always take work to get what I want. I just have to want it enough to work for it.
Maybe this feeling is just me getting tired of working. I don't know. I just know that I have to keep on going and so that's what I'll do.
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