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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Use the journey

I've noticed that I can be very focused on what's wrong at a particular time in my life. I get down or I get stressed or something is bugging me and it consumes everything. I know it'll all work out eventually, I'm just not good at waiting for the working out to happen. I constantly fixate on what I want to happen in the future but I want the future to be now. Doing this only makes the problem seem bigger in my head. It makes me feel worse about whatever it is that is bringing me down. In short, it's bad for me.

Now I've realised this I need to try and change it. I know it's not good for me so I have to try and get into good habits. I see a lot of messages out there telling me that it's the journey that matters. Having heard it a lot from my biggest inspirations, I kind of believe it. However, I haven't quite got to the point where I've experienced enough to really know that I need to just try and appreciate the journey. I think that remembering to use the journey and what it will bring me will help me a lot.

Recently I've just not been happy. I don't particularly have a reason for the unhappiness, I just know I'm not right. But today I realised that part of my unhappiness is being caused by not knowing exactly the reason for the unhappiness. I don't have an end product that I can focus on so I'm not happy. Maybe I'm meant to be missing that, though. Maybe I need to go through this period of unhappiness to find what I need to find out without knowing it beforehand. Something has to come out of every experience, I just need to realise that I won't always know what I'll get out of it. That's good.

If I can use the journey then I can focus on becoming who I want to be. I can focus on what I need and want to do. I can focus on my life in the present instead of constantly looking towards what will be. I need to focus on what is.

Thursday, 8 November 2012

What do you want to be when you grow up?

It's such a broad and universal question, isn't it? When you're young you're asked it all the time. But being "grown up" is such a far off, unattainable thing that it doesn't really matter what you say. If you say a cowboy or princess then people think you're cute, if you say a doctor or a writer then people might be impressed but they'll probably also find it cute more than anything. It just doesn't really matter what you say because you're a little kid, the future doesn't feel like it'll ever come.

For me now, the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" has a completely different meaning. Being grown up doesn't feel far away any more. It feels tangible. Growing up was such a far away thing only a few years a go but suddenly I feel like I truly am growing up. I'm not growing up in the "you're getting so big" way, I'm growing up in the intellectual way. I feel like I'm becoming an adult, ready or not. It feels like it's now. It's present. It's happening and that's scary as hell. 

Now, if someone says they want to be a doctor, it's impressive because I know how much it takes. If someone tells me they want to be an actor I know how slim the chances are. If someone is getting a job, I think about what it will actually mean. My perspective has changed a lot. 

Of course I still feel like a kid playing grown up. Maybe I always will, maybe that's how it's meant to be. Maybe I'm not meant to be feeling grown up, maybe I'm meant to still feel like a child. All I know is that growing up feels like it's happening. But it's okay.