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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Apparently I have opinions about divorce

By the time we're old, I wonder how many people will be celebrating their 60 something anniversary, I wonder how many people will have stayed together for a long time. How many people will have married, divorced and married again? I hope there are still a lot of people who have been together for a very long time, I hope I get to experience someone my age celebrating a diamond wedding anniversary and them still being an amazing couple who are just right.

The way things are heading, this seems unlikely. So many people are divorcing, remarrying and sometimes divorcing again. I'm not saying this is a bad thing; if you aren't happy with your partner and there's something that means it's impossible to carry on with them then divorce and remarriage is probably what's best. However, people nowadays seem to give up on marriage too easily. I don't think a lot of people try. I know some people have the view that you can always get divorced if marriage doesn't work out. While that is true, you shouldn't go into a marriage thinking that. You should go into a marriage thinking that you want to be with this person forever, no matter what. Things are far too rushed, far too easy to get out of at the moment.

These thoughts stemmed from a post I saw on tumblr..
"A reporter asked a couple: "how did you manage to stay together for 65 years?£
The woman replied, "we were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away""

I think we need more of that thinking in society, in my opinion, society would be a lot better if we did.

I'm not saying you should never get divorced: of course there are many times when divorce is the only option. But divorce should be a last resort, not a simple solution.

Monday, 12 March 2012

My very own love story

So this is going to be a bit of a sappy one, but it's something I want to get out, just to have it here for safekeeping.
WARNING: this is going to be sappy and it's really only for one person's benefit so don't feel like you have to read it or anything. It's going to be a lot more autobiographical than a lot of things I've put on here recently.

So, as a lot of you probably know, I got a boyfriend not so long a go (3 months a go exactly if we're being exact). I haven't really shared "my story" with anyone at all really so, here goes. The amazing, sweet boy in question is someone I've known for a very long time. We essentially grew up together, drifting in and out of each other's lives, but always maintaining some form of contact throughout the years. As long as I can remember, he's been a friend.

A couple of years a go, things started to change a bit. We became closer than we ever had before, simply because we ran in the same friendship circles. Soon, he was one of my best friends: one of the few who remained from a big group I once had. I couldn't have been happier with my friendship group and my social life at that time. Several times during that time I thought about him differently, but every time I did I suppressed it as just hopefulness, I thought I was just convincing myself that something false was true, a crime I have committed many times before. We carried on, as we were until we started college in September. He moved to a different area that was still close by but meant that we got the same bus. This brought us even closer together and something definitely started to change. I can't pinpoint the exact time it did, but as we got closer my feelings started to change. After quite a while, he told me his true feelings and I knew what I wanted. So, after about a month of kind of dating but not really, he asked me out and we fell in love.

Suddenly, I understood the loved up songs. Every song became about him, he was all I could thing of and I knew this thing would last. So far, it has lasted. I know the likelihood of it lasting as long as I want it to is pretty slim, but stranger things have happened and I have hope.In short, this is my very own "epic love story". It might not seem much, but the past three months have been the best time of my life so far and I don't want anything to change. He makes everything better by just being there, I don't know what I'd do without him. I just hope I can offer half as much support as he gives me.

This post was overdue and probably didn't say everything I want it to, but there you go.

Friday, 9 March 2012

The future

So, long time no post. There is a good reason for this: until yesterday we had had no internet for over three weeks. So sorry for the irregular posting, but I'm going to try to improve now!

Lately, and especially this week the subject of growing up has been thrust upon me in a way. For a while we have been talking a lot about university at school and this week it was reinforced further. We had a trip to a UCAS convention where we could find out more about universities and we got our results from the recent exams. This was all stressful and hard and forced everyone to think about their futures and what is coming next.

I'm preparing for university, organising myself with open days and doing my research. I've been told I'm being very mature with it, but in my opinion I'm just doing what I need to do; being sensible. Our head of year told us that you're either really excited to go to university and are doing your research and getting ready or you're scared and holding back, not really preparing yourself. My response to that: I'm both! I'm preparing myself and getting ready, doing my research and everything that needs doing but and the same time I'm dreading it. I'm scared. I'm so scared about what's going to happen when I get there, how I'm going to fit in and, most importantly, how I'm going to keep surrounding myself with the amazing people who are in my life now when we all go off to different parts of the country.

I have such a wonderful group of friends right now. I've known them for different amounts of time but I can't imagine my life without any one of the people in it right now. I don't know what it'll be like not being in the same  place as these people everyday. I'm terrified of leaving and drifting away from my friends. I'm going to do everything I can to keep in touch with my friends but I know people drift apart, I know the likelihood of having these people in my life all the time but it doesn't stop me hoping that we'll stay in touch at least. I'm worried about leaving home. I know I want to move out, become independent and get the experience of controlling my own life. But at the same time, I don't want to leave this town I grew up in; these people I've known all my life and my mum on her own. I know it has to be done, I just don't want it to be done.

Leaving is going to be scary and emotional but I know it has to be done. I know university will turn out to be great and I'll probably have the best time of my life there. But it doesn't stop the worries. I am a worrier by nature. I know that. These worries are coming early: I have over a year until I'm off to university. But they still bother me: it's the kind of person I am. Some days these worries dominate, other days they're not so important to me. But they're always there. I think they'll be there until I'm out of here. I just need to stop letting them get at me as much. Start living the moment and looking at the positives more than I look and the negatives. Maybe I need a complete attitude change about what is to come. But whatever happens, it's scary and I'm a worrier. I think I just need to learn to not let the worrier take over and relax a little bit.