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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Thursday, 27 September 2012

We merely co-existed, Almost met but always missed it, Spinning round like two sides of a coin.

This quote is from a poem by Sarah and Phil Kay/e about how they met. How they've had such similar lives, always being in the same place at the same time but just missing each other. Today I started thinking about just how many people we pass in our lives.

You see so many faces daily, so many people doing so many things. How many people's homes do we pass a day? How many people's livelihood do we pass? How many people's pictures are we in the background of? We are all so connected yet so unaware of it.

Little routines like travelling to school, travelling home from work and eating your lunch are shared by so many. We may all do them in slightly different ways but we still share them in beautiful synchronization. Yet we merely co-exist in them. We have our own little world of people to share our day-to-day life with but how many other people do we share this with? How many people do we merely co-exist around?

Maybe one of the people we merely co-exist with will one day become the most important person in our world. Maybe you're meant to be friends with that person always sat one table away at lunch. Maybe we're just meant to spin round like too sides of a coin, be in each other's world but at the same time never really notice it. There are infinite possibilities. We should leave ourselves open to them because who knows what might happen with one of the strangers we pass by.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skies are grey,
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.

I love this song. It's stuck in my head ever since I learnt it in school when I was six. If you really think about the words you can see how it's a song telling someone how much you love them and how much they mean to you. It's all about love. It's all about showing someone your feelings. It's all about the impact one person can have on your life. It's simple but simplicity is what creates the most beautiful things in the world.

However, I believe that it is possible to have more than one sunshine in your life. More importantly, I think you must allow yourself to have more than one sunshine. Sunshines come in the form of any person who is near and dear to you. The song is designed to be sung about the love of your life but I think that it could (and should) also be applied to any truly good friend who you can't live without.

The sun is a star after all and there are many stars in the sky. Stars are what you need in your life. Stars will make you happy when skies are grey. When you can't find the right words to express how much you love someone you know you have found one of your stars.

Friday, 21 September 2012

Tu me manques

I've seen on tumblr that this phrase is the french equivalent to the phrase "I miss you" but apparently it is closer to "you are missing from me". I think this is so beautiful and a much better way of saying that you miss someone. You are missing from me. You are a part of me. I can only be whole when we're together. I function my best when you are with me.

It's true. If you really really have a strong love with someone then it feels like they complete you. Therefore, when they are not there you feel like a part of you is missing.

Tu me manques. You are missing from me. It's the best way to tell someone how much you love them and how you're feeling when they're not there and you wish there were.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Choosing to be happy

I see this argument that you can choose to be happy around all the time and I don't fully believe it. Yes I think we have some control over how we feel, I do think that the way we look at things can have a big difference. However, I also think that there are many other factors that can affect your emotions more than your own thoughts.

The people around you can impact your emotions greatly. Whether you admit it or not, what people say to and/or about you affects your mood. Humans are social creatures and we all have at least one person who we really do want approval from. We can work towards being completely independent but at the end of the day I believe that other people will always have an impact on our lives.

Sometimes there are conditions that stop us being happy, it could be a mental health issue or having bad mood swings. That's an accepted part of life and in those dark times I don't think you can just decide to change your emotions. It takes time and sometimes professional help to get through them, you can't just turn those things off. It's simply impossible to turn of your emotions, sometimes they just demand to be felt.

However, the way you view a situation in your life can change a lot. Trying to see the positive effect that any change can have on your life rather than fully focusing on the negatives. You can't choose happiness but you can deal with unhappiness by deciding to try to feel better and do your best to help yourself through it.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Equality for disability

I believe that people should be treated for what they are and not other people's perceptions or judgments on them. We all judge others and that's completely natural. However I think we need to remember that our first judgments are usually wrong. We tend to either under estimate or over estimate people and see them as more than they are. However, I think that snap judgments based on a person's physical abilities or disabilities are the worst misjudgments possible. If you automatically think that someone with any kind of disability is "amazing" or "inspirational" just because they live like everyone else only with a disability or special need then you're being unfair to the person.

When people think that a picture of a child with downs syndrome on tumblr deserves a lot of notes simply because they have downs syndrome, it gets to me. Honestly, I don't think it's right. Yes, the child's cute but just because they have a disability doesn't mean that a picture of them doing something a child without disability would do deserves any more notes than this child. You might think that you're promoting inclusion or spreading a good message but really you're not: you're making the child become their disability. That's not inclusion, that's putting them on a pedestal that they are only on because of their disability. I can only think that doing that promotes completely the wrong image of disability in society.

I saw this a lot with the paralympics: paralympic athletes are called inspiring even before they've won anything whereas an olympic athlete has to achieve to be labelled as inspiring. That isn't equality. Equality is treating everyone the same no matter what they have to overcome in order to get to where they want to go.

Of course I think that people who choose to make the most of life when they have to live with a very hard disability are amazing, but I also think that people who choose to make the most of life no matter what are amazing. Of course I think a child with downs syndrome is cute, but I also think that any other child is cute. As a society we need to get better at recognizing the person behind the disability and not letting a disability take a person's identity over completely.

Friday, 14 September 2012

I just have this feeling...

Recently I've just not been feeling right in myself. I don't really have a reason for not feeling right but tonight I think I've at least been able to put a name to it; something I'm not able to do easily most of the time. The most prominent feeling in my mind right now seems to be one of unrest. This feeling doesn't seem justified: things are more or less the same as they have been for the last year or so, I can't see any change to my life other than growing a year older.

Along with this feeling there's a longing to move on and start the process of life beyond the same people, places and lessons that I've been around for as long as I remember. I'm tired of looking to the future, preparing for it and yet not having it quite within my reach. I have this naive yearn for everything  to just be exactly how I want it to be right now without having to work. I want what I want but I just want it now. I know that sounds like I'm a big spoilt brat who just wants what she can't have. Maybe that's exactly who I am, even though it's not who I want to be.

After saying that, I do have to say that I know that nothing will ever be exactly how how I want it to be: life's not perfect. It will take work to get my life near to what I want it to be right now, it'll always take work to get what I want. I just have to want it enough to work for it.

Maybe this feeling is just me getting tired of working. I don't know. I just know that I have to keep on going and so that's what I'll do.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Looking at it a different way

Today was my first day back at school and I was absolutely dreading it. For the first time in my life I just wasn't looking forward to any part of going back to school: I'd had a great summer and didn't want it to end. Last night when I'd finally dragged myself to do the reading set for summer homework I was still dreading going back today. However, part way through I was struck with this sense of motivation, I couldn't place what I was motivated for, I just felt motivated to do something. When I finished the reading I actually felt good and it was only then that I realized that I actually loved learning about new things. I just felt motivated to learn and realized that I had missed learning without knowing it at all.

I'd felt this feeling before but I've never really been able to identify it until yesterday, it's usually a fleeting feeling that doesn't last to what I really want to do. I found it did last today though and I found that I did enjoy the lessons in school, I liked learning new information. I think I've probably felt this before, I've just not consciously thought about it and the fact that this feeling is conscious this year makes it better. It almost allows me to appreciate the reason behind the feeling and I love that. I was looking at the day in a completely different way and it helped, it really did

This feeling made the first day of school better than it could have been. I had a new way of looking at the reason I was there and it didn't make it too bad. Looking at things you don't want to do in a new way  can make them better, you might even enjoy it. I'm going to do my best to do this in the future when I'm facing anything I'm really reluctant or unhappy about doing. Your state of mind may not be all it takes to make things better but I truly believe that looking at things in a new way can at least help a lot.

Saturday, 8 September 2012


Love is a powerful thing. It spawns a huge range of emotions: happiness, hurt and madness. When you love someone, really truly love another person in your life it is one of the greatest gifts of all. Love can come in so many forms: family, friends or partners and each person you love becomes a part of you and you a part of them. There are just those people who you know are special in your life, you just know when you're spending time with them.

Love can also hurt A LOT. Saying goodbye to loved ones sucks more than anything else. Loosing love you once had is so horrible and such a great loss. When a loved one is hurting in can hurt you as much as they are hurting. However, these things are an unfortunate necessity in everyone's life.

Ultimately, though, it's worth it. Love always comes out on top. If you have love you have everything you need to be happy.

Monday, 3 September 2012

I'm kinda awesome

Yesterday this thought just kind off popped into my head in the middle of the day. This made me realize that I actually do like my personality right now. I am happy with the person I have become in the past year or so and I am thankful for the people who have made me into this person. There are still some things that I would change about parts of myself, as an overall person, I like who I am right now. It's taken quite a journey to get here but it's been one of the most worthwhile and important journeys I've ever been on.

However, at first when I thought this I stopped myself and thought "no, that's me being big headed". I think that is one thing that has stopped my before: the impression that actually liking myself and seeing the good in me is a bad quality to have. There's a big message sent out in society that you're only a good person if you don't believe it. Even one of the most popular songs this year contains the lyrics "you don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful". Society just seems to send out this message too often and, honestly, this is one of the reasons I think that people, especially girls, put themselves down too often.

But thanks to some inspirational and amazing people who have come into my life and shown me that it is okay to actually like myself and kickstarted this journey to getting to this point. Yes it was an individual journey that I had to go on on my own but a few people really helped me along the way and I am eternally grateful for them.

I know that this realization will make me more confident and help me walk a little taller. I really believe that if more people tried to like themselves more then the world would be a much happier and much better place to live in. All you need to do is realize that you deserve to like and be kind to yourself, it's a great thing to feel.