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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Monday, 15 October 2012

Season of waiting

Right now I feel as if I'm simply in a season of waiting. It's felt like this for quite some time now: I'm waiting to go on my next adventure, to have the freedom I desire and to finally start the process of becoming what I desire. One thing I never counted on when entering this season was the exhausting difficulty of waiting. It constantly feels like I'm almost there but not quite close enough to reach the goals I am heading towards, I'm just stuck with them out of my reach.

Within the waiting there is much preparation. Preparation to get me there but seemingly no progress. It almost feels like I have no direction and a very clear direction at the same time. Going through the motions is alright, until it doesn't feel like I'm ever going to stop going through the motions. Planning to get there is alright, until it feels like I'm never going to get there. Waiting is alright, until it feels like it is all I ever do.

At the same time, I feel like things are hurtling towards me. Times of happiness are present in my life and I am very thankful for that. However, there are also times of uncertainty, of the future looming around the corner ready to change everything. It's always present in my life, it's just not fully arrived yet. A change is coming, whether I like it or not, I can see it yet not quite reach it.

The conflicting feelings and overwhelming sense of movement soon is hard to take but they are part of this section of my journey and so I must take them and I must go and use the knowledge they give me through the rest of my life. I know I need to go through this season, just like every other season I have, and will, experience. It won't be easy but it'll be good for me.

Friday, 12 October 2012

"There are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they become 17

I know these will all be stories someday,
and our pictures will become old photographs,
and we'll all become someone's mum or dad,
but right now,
these moments are not stories, this is happening.
I am here and I am looking at her and she is so beautiful.
I can see it, this one moment when you know you are not a sad story"

This quote kind of sums up everything I know about life. We are all stories, we will all change and become something new, something we never thought we were capable of, something we always knew we would be but never really thought about. It's about the future and the past and how the past shapes us as the future will when it comes. But right now, we should be here in the moment. We are not sad stories, we are stories with ups and downs that make them so beautiful.

"and in that moment, we were infinite"
      - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Sunday, 7 October 2012

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Today I saw the newly released film: The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I loved it so much. I'd previously read the book and simply couldn't wait to see the film, especially as the writer o the book was also the writer and director of the film. I just have to say, the film was so amazing and so inspirational to me. I think it effected and inspired me more than the book did, quite an achievement since I've always preferred books to films. I also feel like having the same writer for both mediums allowed us to see sides of the characters that aren't mentioned in the book come to life.

I think there's something about Perks that can only be truly felt through the magic of cinema and sound. The music plays such a huge part in both versions but the only way this story can really come alive is through the actual sound of the music and both seeing and feeling the way the characters feel because of this music. The characters of Sam and Patrick are so larger than life that they demand to be seen off the page. Logan mirrors every introverted, geeky teenager in one way or another and the way he is acted is spot on in showing this. The other, more minor characters are so much more recognizable and distinct through film. The way every character in this film is portrayed is one of the main reasons why I think the film stood out to me.

In all, I think that Perks shows every teenager that no matter how messed up things can become, you can find the peace and happiness in your life through the people around you if you truly try. It shows how people who have been messed up earlier on in life can find their own distinct group, their people who know their past but accept and support them. It shows how you only need a few people who really do love and care about you for things to be okay. In the end you're left with the feeling that sometimes things are bad but eventually they will mostly be good.

I feel like the film of Perks has changed me in a way and I'm so glad I let it.

Friday, 5 October 2012

The journey of growing up

Right now I'm feeling a whole mix of things about the future and what it will bring for me and my relationships. I know that life will ultimately work out for me, whether it's the way I want it to be right now or not but at the same time I feel so scared and so unsure about what's coming. I know how unlikely it is that the future I want right now will come to me, yet I can't stop myself hoping that this will happen. Then I feel like I'm stupid and naive for hoping this when I know that I probably won't get it. Add to that a paralyzing fear of what will actually happen when the future actually comes and I'm just a mess of I don't knows. My feelings and my knowledge are so contradictory.

I'm starting to think that that is just the way that life is sometimes. Maybe these feelings are part of growing up, part of maturing into my own person and becoming an independent person who has to sort all their own problems and relationships out on their own. I know that that's the destination of this journey, it's where I must go eventually, it's just the journey that will take some navigation. The journey will be hard and will bring a lot of emotional turmoil, probably heartbreak of some sort. It's scary. So scary. But I'll get through it. This journey will change me, it will make me a new person, a better person.

It''s all in the journey.