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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Learning to love myself

Something I've been hearing a lot about lately is how you have to be your own best friend and love yourself how you would love a friend. Up until recently this concept was completely foreign to me, it still kind of is in many ways.

I've always struggled with the concept of being nice to yourself and liking yourself. I do believe that everyone is beautiful and I know that me believing that means that I am beautiful as well, I just struggle to believe that I'm beautiful. It's quite a hypocritical thing to say if you think about it, I preach that every person on this earth is beautiful yet can't quite apply it to me. I feel like the main reason for this is that I kind of feel as if, if someone thinks they're beautiful, they're considered big headed. It's not okay in society to think that you are pretty, that you are perfect how you are. Liking your looks is just not okay with people.

I want to like myself and love my looks, it's just not enough. I just don't know how to love my looks. I don't think I'm hideous and ugly, I just don't particularly think I look good a lot of the time. I don't want to think like that, I just do and I'm not sure how to change it.

Being your own best friend is a concept that is definitely alien to me. I've always had people in my life, always. I've always had friends, even if I didn't appreciate that I did. I don't know what it's like to be completely alone. I know what it's like to feel lonely, sure, I've felt lonely countless times in my life but I've never felt truly alone. I am so, so lucky for this. But this has meant that I haven't ever been forced to be my own best friend, I've never needed to get to know myself because I've always had people to get to know who weren't me. Hopefully, I'll always have that but now I feel like I should also make an effort to get to know me, to love me as I would a friend. Maybe then, I'll learn to love myself and find myself beautiful.

I need to change the way I view myself before I can grow any more.

This is my new journey and I'm going to try to document it on here.

Friday, 27 April 2012

Part of something

Suddenly, today I have just had this overwhelming urge to just be a part of a group. It isn't a very logical urge: I am part of quite a few groups of friends and I love them all dearly. I just feel disconnected to them right now.

But I hate this feeling. I love the people I surround myself with and wouldn't want to live without them, I just feel like I'm missing that close knit group who do so much together. I kind of feel like I almost have that right now, it's just that things just always get in the way.

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Free time

Lately, I've been finding myself having less free time and realizing that this free time will steadily decrease as I get older. This wasn't a very pleasant thing to realize really. However, whilst I was realizing this, I also realized that I will still have some free time. There'll always be some time that I can have where I don't have anything that I need to do. There will probably be lots of things I want to do.

As part of this realization/changing in my life, I think I've learnt to tell the difference between what I want to do and what I need to do. I used to complain about not having any free time if I could hardly be on the internet in a day, or hardly watch tv or whatever. But now I'm trying to teach myself that those times when I've been with my friends all day aren't a loss of free time, they're just a different way of spending it. I've realized that I can go a day without tumblr or youtube and still be happy that I've had a good day because I've been with the people who are most special to me.

Sure, I'd love to have time to do everything I want, I'd love to be able to live like I don't have anything I need to do. But that's not possible, and it's not going to be possible much for a long time. So I have to appreciate and be thankful for all the free time I do have. I'm learning to know when I have time to spend on whatever I want and to spend it wisely.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

"Loneliness is state of mind"

This is something I've been thinking about a lot for a while now. I guess what started this is the quote I've used as the title, taken from Julia Albain's book. Something ignited the spark again was someone telling me "apparently, everyone in the world can be connected by a web of 7 people".

These quotes have become forever linked in my mind. I can truly believe that every person in the world can be connected by just a few people. Think about how many people we see on a daily basis? Whenever you leave your house you see new people, if only for a few seconds. In those seconds they are part of your life and you are a part of theirs. You might never see them again, you might see them often and develop a relationship. Either way, they've been part of your life for those few, fleeting seconds you've shared a present.

Thinking like this, it's easy to see how many different people you must be connected to in some way, however small. You touch so many lives, it is impossible to be truly alone in this world. Our lives are so perfectly interlinked with so many other people that there is no way you can ever be truly, truly alone.

It's so easy to feel alone, though. I've felt it many times. When you don't believe you're being noticed, or when you don't think anyone cares about you. But something will drag you out of this, something or someone will help you. Life's not easy, but always try to believe that you are not alone. You are connected to so many people, and you'll find it out on your way through.