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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

10 awesome things

1. That bump of the plane when you land safely
2. Feeling at home in someone's arms
3. Books that draw you in and make you think and feel
4. The sun shining just when you want it to
5. Feeling inspired by other people
6. Finding something you're good at
7. Laughing with the people that you love
8. Photographs that capture emotion perfectly
9. A comfy bed after a day that's made your feet sore
10. The smell of a campfire lingering in your hair

Monday, 16 July 2012

Not feeling special

Lately I have started to feel like everything that made me stand out isn't that original any more. Where I used to be the only person I know who liked the same things as me for the same reasons, others seem to be exactly the same. It has bothered me for a while, really. I liked being the person who likes this thing or the person who loves this person more than anyone else people know. But now I feel like other people have come a long and are exactly the same as me. I wouldn't have thought it would bother me, I'd have thought that it would be nice to have someone exactly the same, someone who got me and understood everything. But I've just found that it makes me feel downhearted and like I'm not special, I'm just one of many.

However, at the same time I know that I am unique and there is no one quite like me in the world, everyone is completely unique. But knowing this doesn't stop me from feeling disappointed, or unhappy, when I realize that someone is the same as me. It just feels like the little bits that make me different from the next person are taken away, taking away the little parts that make me the unique person I am.

This feeling reminds me of something I saw on twitter: "You're unique, just like everybody else." I struggle with this. It's such a contradiction, but it's true. Life seems full of contradictions. Maybe that's what life is. I've just got to work it out.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Learning to be brutally honest

So last night I was hanging out with my friends and I have this one friend who, honestly, has been upsetting me with the things that she does/says recently. It had got to the point that I was over thinking it this past week and her behaviour had really started to get me down. She just wasn't making me feel good when I was around her and it was upsetting me. I'd asked for advice and, every time, I'd be told to confront her and tell her how I was feeling. Since we mainly joke around I hadn't felt able to let her know that her behaviour was bothering me, I usually didn't feel like I could. So I just kept over thinking her behaviour and kept getting hurt by the things that she said/did, in my mind there was nothing I could do.

But last night she did something that annoyed me, not an extraordinary amount, just the usual. If she did this any time before last night I would have tried to get her back and ended up more hurt by her retaliation. However, last night I told her that I was sick of her doing things like that. I just came out and told her how I was feeling. Although I was initially met with mockery, after a while I really think she got that I was serious and that I really didn't like the way that she'd been treating me. She apologized and vowed to try and change.

If you would have told me before that this would be her response I would not have believed you. I would have practically laughed at you for thinking that she would care. But I realized yesterday that maybe she does actually care how I feel. Maybe I had been over thinking her actions a bit to much. Maybe, if I'd have been brutally honest with how I've been feeling some of the other times that she's done things like this, it would be different.

Last night was an eye opener, truly. It's shown me the power of just being brutally honest if someone who you consider a friend upsets you. It might just work out well for your relationships. This was a lot more personal than most of my other posts but I learnt a great lesson from it that I want to share. Being honest instead of bottling it up can feel so good and it may even set into motion a change that helps who knows how many people.

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Rethinking some things

Lately I've been very into thinking "I have to be happy ON MY OWN. I can't rely on ANYTHING for happiness." I've kind of had this mentality of being happy that others make me happy but also feeling like I absolutely have to make myself happy all the time without any outside influences. But now I don't know if that's the right thing for me. I don't even know if that is possible. I think people are innately influenced by other people, it's just the way we are as human beings

I know that I can be happy when I'm on my own. Walking home, noticing the little amazing things or blasting my iPod is great. I can be truly happy doing that. However, I've kind of been working on the principle that I need to be able to do that all the time and not just on the occasional times that it happens. That's not good for me because it leads to me questioning why I'm not happy all the time when I'm alone and getting frustrated with it. That just doesn't work because it makes me less happy.

People are important to me. My friends and family make me happy. They just do, and I don't want that to change. Yes, sometimes they make me happier than I make myself and I didn't think that that was okay. I thought I needed to be able to do it for myself as well as letting others do it for me. But now I don't think that's possible. I just can't be as happy on my own as I am when I'm with those who are closest to me, it's not possible but that's okay. The people in my life make my life, it's how it is. I've come to realise that this is okay and that it's natural to feel this way. I need people I love it my life and I'm glad I do.

"Nothing in the world is going to be the sole source of all your happiness...finding happiness and finding confidence is something that is an inner journey that takes a long time that probably most of us will never fully reach. I don't think that there is anyone who has ever lived who is 100% happy and confident at all times. It's a journey and you should never feel like you should have to retain happiness or retain confidence because it's a journey."
- Jaime Lyn Beatty [x]