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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Update and stuff

I started at college. This is the reason for my lack of blogging. College started a week ago and it's been kind of crazy. We have a new building, new subjects etc. and there is a whole new atmosphere but, instead of having a bit of a transition period, we got straight into lessons. We have no other option, our first exams are in January. So far I'm loving Sociology, Psychology is boring at the moment because we're just going over things I already know and English and Biology are fine. So it's all good! I don't hate it yet, so that's good! I've not got much to say about college to be honest, it's tiring and it takes up a lot of time. There is my excuse for not blogging. Hopefully I'll be able to blog at least a few times a week in the near future, I miss my therapy!

As always I am completely immersed in the StarKid fandom - some things won't be changing for a long time yet! One thing I've kind of realised tonight is that I want to go to a fan gathering/conference of some sort. This hit me just a few minutes ago when I was watching a video from LeakyCon. That whole event seems so incredible, I want to experience something like that. I have this need to meet up with some, if not all of my amazing StarKid internet friends and just geek out together while seeing the people who brought us together. That's a very specific ambition but it's a very real one and it's one I feel needs to happen soon. I don't know, maybe it's just because I saw that there'll be a LeakyCon 2012 that makes me feel like it's a very real thing but that's how I feel.

Something I've been becoming a lot more interested in lately is writing. At the moment I'm more interested in fiction writing than anything else. After being inspired by an amazing Tup fanfic on tumblr I've started writing some Starship based fanfiction that I hope to be at least finished with first drafts of by the end of the month. I don't know how realistic of a goal that is but oh well. I do know I have to be mostly finished by the time November starts because I will be attempting NaNoWriMo in November. I'm fully prepared to fail due to college work and stuff but I'm at least going to try and create some sort of fiction work. Maybe writing my fanfiction will help me with ideas for it! Hopefully it will, since I have no other ideas now!

This was just kind of me checking in, blogging because I haven't in a long time and rambling as usual. It was fun!

Also, when did it become the middle of September?!

Thursday, 8 September 2011

One of those moods

I'm in that mood where I just feel inspired, like I want to do something very specific and creative but I have no idea what I want to do. Maybe it's because Julia Albain wrote a new blog, maybe it's because I'm reading some amazing stories, maybe it's because I started college today and just want to do something. Right now I'm thinking it's a combination of those things. I kind of want to write a fanfiction but, although I've started many, I don't have any ideas that I feel would make me feel inspired enough to carry on with it. So I'm doing what I've found to be the best therapy: blogging.

I guess I just want a creative outlet. Every day I am surrounding myself with all these amazing, creative people on tumblr and I just want a way to engage that part of me. I really want to try writing fiction but, as I said earlier, I have no ideas. I want, or need, to plan a story out. I just need the idea for this story. This year I'm planning to take part in NaNoWriMo and at least attempt to write a novel. Writing is the only creative thing I think I could do well in some way. I know I can't do any of "the arts" but I need a way to be creative. It's a new passion that I think tumblr has ignited, that I love and want to act on yet find myself without a way to act on it.

Somehow, other people's words just say what I want to. Other's writing just does it. Somehow, I can read a blog and feel like they have said what I have wanted to for a long time. While that is inspiring and amazing, it also discourages me in a way. It makes me feel like I could never write as well as others, they'll always be able to say or do it better. But maybe that's just a fact of life. Maybe there will always be people who can do it better but you have to try and do what you can. If you do your best maybe it might be enough for someone else. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to write words that can help others. For now I guess I'll just practice.

Also, read this.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Internet People

This post is going to be very similar to others I've made but I don't care because I need to say this.

During the past few days I have made a couple of what I think/hope will be very good friends over the internet. The most recent ones have been through tumblr. Let me tell you a little story...
A couple of nights ago I came across a post on tumblr that was a suicide note. A 13 year old girl had decided to take her own life and swallow a load of pills. Obviously, this disturbed me and I immediately wanted to stop this from happening. I did everything I could think of and so did many other people. I got quite upset that night, all I wanted to do was help this girl. I did everything I could to raise awareness by reblogging her posts etc. Although I got upset, I was still so grateful for the fact that so many people cared. I think that post had 600+ notes (meaning it had been reblogged 600+ times) and so many people were trying to find some way to help. It was kind of beautiful.

Through this night I made 2 friends. Both I'd been talking to before this but I don't think it would have lasted as well as I think they will without that night. Both of these people not only cared about this girl but seemed to care about how I was feeling throughout it. That means so much to me. The fact that people on tumblr in general have taken time to try and cheer me up at times when I've been feeling down means so much. I don't know why but the fact that complete strangers care means a lot to me. On the internet, tumblr especially, I've found some of the nicest people who genuinely seem to care and who I care about. It's amazing. What I love most is the fact that they have the potential to bring so much in to my life yet if it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't have known they exist. It's made me think that I need to be more open to different people in real life. I talk to people of all different ages and backgrounds through the internet, most are people I wouldn't consider possible friends if I met them in real life first. I guess it's just easier to let people in through the internet.

Through StarKid I have met some amazing people. I'm part of a facebook group called The Starkid Affirmation and it has become a family. All of us on there love each other, we have such a community. We have recently started a pen pal thing, because of them I have 2 email and 2 letter pen pals. I love every person in that group, as I have told them many times.

I am in love with the community surrounding StarKid, everyone is so amazing. These amazing actors and writers have created something wonderful.

I've mentioned a few times in this post about how easy I find it to talk to strangers over the internet and it got me thinking about why I feel like this. In general, I find it hard to talk about actual, real stuff in person. I am so much more comfortable typing out my problems instead of talking about them with someone. I don't know why, I just have trouble talking about serious things out loud. Maybe that's why I have found so much love in writing. Maybe it's also because these people don't know your life story (unless you choose to tell them) maybe that makes it easier to confide in them. Maybe it's because people on the internet are generally less judgmental, more sympathetic and friendlier. I think it's probably a combination. Personally though, I think it's because I have trouble talking to people face to face. I don't often have serious conversations about our lives with my friends in real life. If we do, it's usually in the form of texts or facebook/msn messages. It's just easier for me when you can't see each other.