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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Monday, 31 December 2012

The New Year

In many ways, 2012 has felt like an extension, maybe the closure of 2011 and not much more. It doesn't feel like 2012 has brought much in the way of life changing events for me. 2011 was the best year of my life so far. A lot happened and I had a lot of good times, it was without a doubt my happiest year. 2012 was alright. Honestly, it wasn't monumental. It wasn't a great year and, especially recently, I went through some rough times with my emotions. All in all, however, it was okay. It wasn't a bad year, 2011 was just better in comparison.

It's hard to distinguish the past two years from each other because, in many ways, they've just run into one. School carried on almost exactly the same, my friendships either became weaker or stayed the same and my life just generally plodded a long at the same place. all in all, though, it's not been a bad year. When I look back on it, I see that there were quite a few good things about 2012 and that is the best I can hope for.

But now I know that 2013 will be different. A lot will change. But that's okay, it's needed. It'll be scary and it'll be hard but it'll be okay. I know I just have to be present and try to be the best me I can be and I'll be okay.

Good things about 2012:

  • I celebrated my first first anniversary with the person I love the most in the world
  • I started to search for inspiration
  • I tried to help people
  • My confidence increased
  • I achieved good enough grades
  • I worked my butt off for those grades
  • I received offers from all 5 of the Universities I applied for
  • Glow* started
  • I got a great job
  • I met 3 of the best people I know in person for the first time

Goals for 2013:

  • Love more
  • Live in the present more
  • Worry about the future less
  • Write as much as possible
  • Read more

Monday, 24 December 2012

Things are good

I'm good. Right now I am good.

For the past few months I have been the opposite of good. I don't know what went wrong, I just was't happy and I wasn't dealing with it very well. Sadness just arrived in my life with no apparent reason and no warning. It was a rough few months, I constantly felt like I was about to fall apart.

Then, suddenly, this past week or so I began to feel something I hadn't really been able to fully feel for a while: happiness. I just remember sitting there on the bus feeling happy just being there for the first time I can remember in a while. I've been able to hold onto that feeling. It arrived as unexpectedly as it went.

I don't know why I was given this journey, I don't know the cause or the intention, I just know that I was given it. As hard as it was, I know that it was necessary. I might not fully understand what I've learnt from it but I know I've learnt something. I am stronger than I was, I get stronger every day.

I think I lost myself a bit in the past few months but, in the words of Taylor Swift, "I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are". I still don't know myself but I'm getting there. I do think that losing yourself is what lets you find yourself. I probably need to lose myself a few more times before I can properly find myself and that's okay.

Sunday, 9 December 2012

My Warriors Heart

This is a post inspired by The Julia Club and their theme for this week.
"I was born with a warrior's heart. I know that now."
  - Julia Albain

Like most people, when I read this part of Julia's book I teared up. I teared up because I realised that we all have warrior's hearts. Every single person is born with a warrior's heart and we all use them a little differently. They are all meant for different purposes: some roar, whilst others are quietly confident; some are forceful and driven, whilst others slowly reveal their purpose. It is the journey of finding out this purpose that gives us our own unique path of life.

I think, as children, we are aware of our warrior's hearts. We are purpose driven and we know what we want and when we want it. However, as we grow into teenagers and young adults, the mess of life masks our warrior's hearts and makes us forget that we have them. We get wrapped up in school work, relationships and general side effects of living life. When we are going through tough times, that is when we forget our warrior's heart most of all. It's still there though, beating quietly in the background, driving us, reminding us not to give up.

When we are coming out of these hard times is when we find our warrior's heart again. We see that we can get through anything and everything thanks to this amazing spirit we are born with. In seeing this, we find out that we will be alright. We can get through the trails of life and we can come out stronger on the other side of it.

I think that's the overriding message in Julia's book. We sometimes forget about that warrior's heart inside of us and, during her time in New York, Julia forgot that. I've forgotten that recently. You remember though, and you can get through hard times with the knowledge that you have a warrior's heart to guide you.