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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Friday, 19 August 2011

BEDA Day 19: Feeling Unsettled

Lately I have been thinking about my future career a lot. For many reasons, I guess: I'm volunteering to get experience with what I want to work in, I'm going into college which means thinking about Uni etc. and I have a lot of free time. I'm going to start this story from the begining (for once).

Since I did my work experience last year I've wanted to be a teacher in a special needs school. That's what I decided after I enjoyed working in a special school so much. It became so much easier for me to make subject/college decisions, I knew what I wanted to do, it was good. I got sorted to get experience with children with special needs. I was sorted. I still am, in a way.

Over this past month or so I've become more unsure. I guess, ever since I read Julia Albain's book I've had an urge to see more things, have more experiences, find myself. I feel like that is a big thing on my to do list; I want to find myself because I'm lost. As much as I'd hate being lost, I feel like it would make me a better person. I want to see different things. I have decided this over these last few months. It's kind of unsettled me because I was always thinking I'd be a school-college-uni-job-end person. That doesn't sound good to me now, though. I can't see myself going into a job after university and staying in one job, or exactly the same type of job for the rest of my life. It sounds so boring. My job wouldn't be boring, I know that. I just don't want to do it all the time from ages 21 to 65.

In a way, I want to have a gap year after university. I'll get my degree then go travelling or something for a bit. I want to enjoy my 20s. I want to do some exploring. I don't want to just work through my 20s, I want to do something else. Whether I work and explore or I just explore, I don't know but I want to do something else.

I think the main reason I came to this realization is because (again) of Starkid. I look up to those people and they don't have "real" jobs. They've moved around since college and are experiencing different things. That's what I want to do. I think that I've always felt a bit like this, I've just not realised it until I saw people living it, you know? That happens sometimes.

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