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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Saturday, 10 December 2011

No regrets

I'm really happy right. Happy with my life and happy with myself. I might not be happy with my school life but that is just one small part of my life and, overall, I'm happy. It's good. I'm lucky.

There are many many reasons for this, I'm not going to bore you with them. But I know that I couldn't feel this way if the way my past was had been different. My past has made me who I am today, every moment of my life has determined this one. I just know I couldn't be me now if even one little thing was different in the past 16 and a bit years. It's hard to fully explain but something I've been thinking about a lot so I'm going to try and do my best to say what I mean

For quite a few years I've had the view that I have no regrets. I know that having this view might make me sound cliched or like I've not made any mistakes and had a perfect life but I haven't. I've had hard times, been embarrassed by my own actions and felt guilty about things. But ultimately, these things have made me who I am today. Yes, I wish some things hadn't have happened but I don't know who I'd be if they hadn't, I don't know what my life would be like now if I hadn't have gone through what I have. This makes me think that I'm almost happy that I experienced most of these things because, right now, I'm happy with me. I'm happy with my life. Other people might not be, but I am.

I've heard people say "I wish I'd had x, y, z, at this time in my life" and I just think, if you did, you wouldn't be you. If you had what you wanted in your hardest time then you don't know what you'd be like now. The worst year of your life was hard and terrible but without it you wouldn't know as much as you do now. You'd be clueless about that particular issue and you couldn't help people who are similar to you now. No one deserves to suffer as much as some people do but, most of the time, suffering creates a better people, suffering creates people who can give others what they need. In the end, you got through your hard times, you had everything you needed, it was hard but you managed and now you can be what other people need.

Maybe this is a naive way of looking at things but I believe that your hard experiences are what will give you the best things. Hard years might create the best friendships. Without that year you may not have known how strong you are. Or how many people cared about you.

Everything you experience makes you you and you are perfect.

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