Christmas time is great. It's cheerful and happy and a time when you can snuggle up inside and have fun. But it's always kind of depressing for me. As I'm sure it is for many other people.
If you don't know my dad died in early January 2007. Over Christmas time 2006 he was very ill and we knew he was going to die soon. Fortunately, he could come home for Christmas day and we had a great day with family, just how Christmas should be.
But ever since then Christmas has been a bit bitter sweet for me. There's always the reminder of that last Christmas my dad was here, the last time he was at home. Naturally it's got easier over the years and I think about my dad every day but it'll never be easy at Christmas. There'll always be a bit of sadness in me over this time of the year.
Maybe that's good. Maybe it helps me appreciate the good times I have and it helps me to see how lucky I am. Maybe Christmas is a time for remembrance and being a bit sad.
I do know that I want to do something with this experience. I've known it for years. I don't know how and I don't know what. I just know that I want to help others who are in the same situation as I was. At this time in my life I didn't have anyone who was my age who was willing to talk to me about what was happening, who understood a little bit of what I was going through. I want to give that to other people. The only problem is that I don't know how to do that. I know I want to do it and have known for years, I just don't know what format to do it in. Also, I don't think I have time to do it right now. My willingness is there, I just don't know if it is possible or if I can physically do it.
Maybe it's something I'll do one day. Maybe it's something that will happen when it is meant to. Maybe I'll never get round to it. Hopefully it'll happen someday.
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