Okay, so today was kind of wierd. 4 years ago today my dad died and obviously that got me down. I was determind not to get upset in school today and ended up having quite a good time, but now I kind of feel bad for having a good time today. Basically in school I'd be having fun with my friends but at the same time I would feel guilty for having fun on this day. I was kind of mood swingy, when I told one of my friends and she hugged me I almost cried. I miss my dad so much and it seems to be worse this year. I'm not sure why it just does. I'm not sure what else to say about it really, it just gets me down and I hate it. But I feel guilty for a lot of things involving my dad.
So yeah, I feel pretty crappy today. I really really want to be happy but it seems it is impossible at the moment. Happyness is a choice but how come it doesn't seem to work for me?
Sorry for this.
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