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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Saturday, 6 August 2011

BEDA Day 6

Today was a good day. Our group of friends went out again and, as usual, we had fun. Nothing very exciting happened really, we just hung out so I'm not really going to talk about it here not because it's private, just because it wasn't too exciting.

Right now I'm feeling kind of down though. I have no clue why, I'm just not that happy at this moment. I had a great day and there's no specific reason why I'm feeling down, I just am. I get like this every now and again and I don't know how to stop it or what to do, maybe it's just part of being me? I don't know.

For some reason I started thinking about relationships and whatnot. Like, the romantic kind. I don't often talk about this stuff on here but I feel like I need/want to today. I want a relationship. But I'm not bothered about the physical side so much, I just want the closeness. I want someone to cuddle with, someone who'll look after me and someone I know will always be there to cheer me up if I need it. I just want someone to belong to and someone to belong to me. That sounds weird but it's just how I feel. I know a lot of people (especially boys) my age only care about the sex side of a relationship; they only seem to want that part at this age. But I don't care about that I would much rather watch TV with someone special. I just want to closeness, the feeling of your partner being your best friend that seems to happen so much on TV but never in real life.

I've felt kind of lonely for a while, I've wanted the things above for quite a long time to be honest. I never seem to be able to get it though and I don't know what to do about it. Maybe the problem is that I build up ideals in my head; ideals that are never met. Therefore, I am always disappointed by what happens. I still do it though and I don't know how to stop, I just want what I can't find.

Those are just some feelings I've had for a very long time that I felt needed to be put into words and these are those words.

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