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I'm just trying to figure out this journey we call life

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Confused feelings

Today, at a University open day I told my mum something that I have been thinking for quite a while now:
"I feel bad for having money."

This arose from hearing about the financial aspects and considerations that make up University life. I was stressing a little bit about the money I would need and how I would afford everything necessary in order to live away from home and buy everything that's needed. When talking to my mum about this, she calmed me down and told me about the money I would inherit when I turned 18 and that I would be eligible for loans from the government. Yes, this helped me to be a bit calmer about the costs of University but it also made me feel a bit bad. I know many people who aren't as fortunate with money as me and I know they'll struggle because everyone struggles with money at University.

I know I'm very lucky and I'm extremely thankful for it. But at the end of the day, the only reason I will be able to afford University comfortably is because my Dad died and left me with the money I'll need. This means that I'll be one of the lucky ones at University, I should (hopefully) be able to support myself with money from loans and everything else. But am I really lucky? I'll only be able to do this because my Dad died. I'd so much rather have my Dad than be able to pay for the costs of University fully. Yet I still feel lucky and 

This is something I'm struggling with right now. Feeling guilty because I have money but then I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty because I only have it because of a death. I just can't really sort it out in my mind right now. I don't know how I feel or even how I should be feeling.

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